Tired of the malarkey coming from the mainstream media?

Well that stuff's history! Modeled after Movietone newsreels of the 1930s, our beloved Rodge Bigsby cuts the baloney and gives it to you straight.

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This Week in Conspiracies: 5/2/19

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Conspiracy Theory or Cold Hard Facts?

This week Rodge takes big risks to bring you the stories THEY don’t want you to hear. Find out the controversy behind Ecuadorian officials allegedly receiving bribes in connection to the Julian Assange arrest. Can a calendar be cursed? Rodge asks this very question in relation to some mysterious events in history being linked through one very suspect date. And what do Beyonce, Barbara Walters, and Bieber have in common? Find out what Humanoid Hollywood doesn’t want you to know. All this and more on a special conspiracy theory edition of Retrotone!

Here is a snappy summary of the news – a weekly digest of the latest events and happenings at home and abroad. I’m your host, Rodge Bigsby, and this is your Retrotone News Minute!

Greetings, Mr. & Mrs. America and all the subterfuge in the universe. Set your theories free!

*BEEP BEEPITY BEEP BEEP*

1) WE INTERRUPT THIS NEWS BULLETIN FOR AN EXTRA EXCLUSIVE SEGMENT!

“Conspiracy theorists of the world, believers in the hidden hands of the Rothschilds and the Masons and the Illuminati, we skeptics owe you an apology. You were right. The players may be a little different, but your basic premise is correct: The world is a rigged game.” – Matt Taibbi Ok… now, onto the newsfeed.

2) JULIAN ASSANGE’S CAT MAY BE SAFE, BUT ASSANGE’S ARREST IS CLOUDED IN CONTROVERSY

WikiLeaks’ founder Julian Assange’s April arrest at the Ecuadorian Embassy in London, provoked complicated reactions… One day after his arrest, the money went on the move. In February, it was announced that Ecuador would receive over $10 Billion in loans from the International Monetary Fund (IMF), the World Bank, the Inter-American Development Bank, $4 billion of which processed the DAY AFTER Assange was arrested. Where all that money will eventually end up is anyone’s guess! Was it convenient timing or staged for Assange to reveal his data dump in relation to the Russian hacking case and the Meuller report? What does he really have on Hillary? We cannot say for sure, but what we can confirm is… Assange’s cat is safe! “Embassy Cat,” is the famed feline of Twitter and Instagram, who was left behind in the whistle-blower’s raid. Wikileaks confirms that she remains safely in the hands of an Assange associate. Meowwww!

**AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS… **COMMERCIAL**

2) APRIL 15TH: A DAY FROM HELL?

In perhaps the most frightening discovery, we’ve uncovered a day from Hell. On this day, countless disasters have wreaked havoc around the globe, including some of history’s most tragic and deadly events.

The first example of this curse began on April 15, 1865 with the assassination of President Abraham Lincoln. 47 years later, on April 15 1912, the Titanic sank, resulting in the drowning of hundreds. In 1927, a mass flooding of the Mississippi River broke 147 levees and flooded 10 states.

Again, in 1989, The Hillsborough Disaster lead to 96 sports fans being trampled to death at England’s Hillsborough Stadium. In 2010, European flights were all grounded due to volcanic ash as the eruptions in Iceland continued. Back in the states on April 15, 2013 we witnessed the Boston Marathon Bombing. Six years later, here in 2019, we saw the tragic burning of Notre Dame de Paris. April 15, 2020? TAX DAY!

What is the dealio with April 15th? Could it be... a feast day of the Illuminati where they must offer sacrifices? Is it cursed by the gods? Perhaps the most curious aspect... yours truly, Rodge Walker Bigsby, entered the world on this cursed day in 1905. Could I be jinxed as well? The world may never know…

3) (WHEW) IN CELEBRITY SHAPESHIFTING NEWS!

Have you noticed a celebrity acting slightly off? It’s obviously because they are shapeshifting OR died and were cloned. Here’s the 411 on the humanoid front from Hollywood…

  • Let’s start with Beyonce, as all things should, as she famously has been known for her Illuminati ties. Bizarre theorists claim, Queen Bey died in 2000 and record label bosses cloned her using stem cells.
  • On Dec, 15, 2000, Eminem died in a car crash and came back as a clone and joined the gang of ultra-powerful Illuminati miscreants.
  • In an interview with Barbra Walters back in Dec of 2013, Miley Cirus transforms - if you watch carefully - you can see that her right eye’s pupil narrows into a vertical slit, much like that of a lizard.
  • Justin Beiber let himself slip up in front of hundreds of fans, exposing himself as a “giant reptile” during his Austrialian Purpose Tour.

I knew I never liked Beiber… to hell with the lizard-people. Damn them all to helltown.

4) LET’S REVEAL ANOTHER RUSE WITH BIGSBY’S BEAT OF THE WEEK

In a superstition that plagued some of the great composers of our time, the ‘Curse of the Ninth’ is a conspiracy that continues to this day, see. Why... some people believe composers were fated to die during or after writing their ninth symphony. Schubert, Vaughn Williams, Beethoven… all died after completing their ninths. Could this explain the otherworldly intensity in Beethoven’s Ninth? Without question! (Stop at 8 you fools!)

5) SIGN OFF STATEMENT:

And that's one for the Republic! I'm your host Rodge Bigsby and this has been news from Retrotone, a service of Evergreen Podcasts.

Until next time… make a good day!

Yoo-Ha! Hashtag, RodgeBigsby.

**N.B. For the safety of Rodge Bigsby, his location will be undisclosed at his time. His life is at stake after reporting this episode of Retrotone News Minute. We are taking extreme precautions …

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