430- Stress-Free Weddings: Essential Tips from Risa Kostis (Part 2)

Leah Haslage:

Welcome to the Bridechilla podcast. I'm your host, Leah Haslage. Whether you're just starting to plan or you're counting down the days, I'm here to help you stay cool, calm, and collected throughout the wedding journey. So let's get this wedding party started and embrace your inner Bridechilla.

Welcome back to part two of our interview with Risa Kostis from The Rescue Kit.

Okay, as a personal stylist, how do you define personal style for brides and grooms out there?

Risa Kostis:

So I think their personal style is really a culmination of their journey. I think the journey as a couple is so hugely important. What means something to you guys? What's important to you? What's your aesthetic as a pair? It should be a combination of your love story and your aesthetic together, and what's important to you, and your shared vibe, and maybe your cultural and just timeless traditions in your life. I think that is the best way to make something really personal to you. And I've seen some of the cutest details lately, like their first text messages to each other on the cocktail napkins and things like that. The whole wedding planning process, like defining your personal style and figuring out who you are shouldn't feel like a departure from who you are inside. And it shouldn't feel like a departure from your personal aesthetic in your life. And I think the beautiful thing about having an event like this is that you get to combine everything that you both love and then share it with people that you love the most.

And so it shouldn't be this deep thought process around how to figure out my style. Yeah, you might need some pointers along the way in terms of, you know, what looks good or what's going to suit your body type or what's going to suit your needs for the climate and where you're having your wedding. I mean, that's so hugely important, too, is just considering all of those factors. But when it comes to your personal style, like I say this to my styling clients all the time, too, like I'm just here to bring bring you out of your shell a little bit and to remind you that you already have everything inside of you. So whatever you're feeling like you want to look like, That's already there. That already exists inside. You just have not taken the brave step to embody that person yet. And I'm here to help coach you into that moment. But you've already got it inside of you. I'm not showing you something that you haven't already seen or thought about for yourself. I can guarantee you that. I'm just making it a little easier for you. And then I'm breathing life into you. And so I think it's the same thing with couples. Don't stray from what's important to you, and your personal style will just blossom, for sure.

Leah Haslage:

Where do you begin, though, when you have so many different facets to you, you know? I mean, and then you get to incorporate your partner, right? But just when you're considering your own aesthetic and vibe alone, like, for example, I've been thinking about this with myself. I'm such a t-shirt and jeans or tank top and jeans kind of girl, but I also love 70s disco glam. Like, I always say if Jennifer Aniston and Kate Hudson made a baby that'd be my fashion.

Risa Kostis:

Oh my gosh, I love that

Leah Haslage:

But then like you know but say someone's like that like me like that t-shirt and jeans or like bohemian but it's your wedding day so you want to feel like a fairy princess, right? You want that ballgown moment, even though you're not like a ballgown person, but you're kind of really feeling like you want that one moment in your life that you get to be the belle of the ball or the regal, you know, princess, right? Very Princess Kate. How do you kind of find a way to merge the fantasy life that you've dreamt of, but also keep it real to who you are, because that can feel really overwhelming when you think of all those vibes and aesthetics in one place.

Risa Kostis:

Totally. And, you know, I hear a lot of brides say, I want to make sure that I still look like me after getting glam on my wedding day so my husband recognizes me. You know, and it's so funny. It's so true because like, wow, this is really like the very enhanced version of me. This is like me times 50.

Well, first of all, I think you should fully embrace that princess moment if that's something that you really want to have. No matter, I am a t-shirt and jeans. I wear very minimal makeup on a daily basis. I'm lucky if I get a shower in these days because I'm so busy. Like, thank God I don't have a boyfriend because he'd probably break up with me anyway. But, you know, I think the beautiful thing about the wedding process and all of the wedding events that happened around your big day. There is time and space to show all of those sides of you. There's the getting ready process. Now, I don't recommend if you're a t-shirt and jeans person to be getting ready in a t-shirt because then you're not going to be able to take your shirt off to get into your gown without ruining your hair and makeup.

Leah Haslage:

Oh, yes. Great tip. The day of when you're getting ready, wear the robe or wear something that you're not pulling over your head. Thank you for saying that. I completely forgot that.

Risa Kostis:

I mean, especially if you don't – I mean, we've got the makeup face shield. We've got our glam and garment shield handy for you. Definitely wear something that is, you know, buttoned down or open and not going overhead. But it is a great opportunity to, you know, think about how to incorporate your personal style in that getting ready process. My bride this past weekend, for instance, instead of robes, she did monogrammed sweat sets. hers was ivory and the girls were in like almost like a terracotta or a brown and it had a cactus and it had roman numerals with the date and their names it was so adorable and it was just so super chill and i loved it because it was just not your traditional but it was a zip-up hoodie And it was perfect because she could still take it off. And then they'll probably all wear those again. You know, you're not always necessarily wearing, like, the pajamas or, you know. Although, I still wear all that stuff whenever I'm in a wedding. Like, I still have a Ralph Lauren shirt that had, like, a beautiful monogram that one of my best friends gave me from being in her wedding. And I wear that, like, as ready to wear with jeans.

Leah Haslage:

I still wear the robe from my sister-in-law and my brother's wedding. Because she had purple, like the waffle robes with like our names on it. I still rock that. It's a great gift, too.

Risa Kostis:

Yes, exactly. It's a great gift. So it's me. It does. I mean, people do wear that stuff, you know, it just depends on how wearable it is and if it fits properly. That's the other thing. But what were we even talking about?

Leah Haslage:

How can you incorporate the other aspects of the wedding? That's a great point, because you do have your shower and your bachelorette or hen party. You know, there's so many different other activities surrounding the big day, plus the reception, the after party, if you do a next day brunch, whatever.

Risa Kostis:

Totally. So it can be like an oversized t-shirt, like glitter t-shirts for your bachelorette or something. Like you can still, you know, pay homage to who you are as an individual, You could get, you know, wedding cookies with t-shirts and jeans on them that's like who you are, you know what I mean? And that can be part of your dessert tray. Like really think about all the different creative ways that you can tie in small details and, you know, even from framed pictures of yourselves at any events and just like looking like your regular selves or whatever it may be. But I do think that your wedding day is also the opportunity to be that next level version of yourself. And so don't fully embrace that because you think that people are like, oh, there's the t-shirt and jeans girl trying to wear a ball gown. No, you do you and you fully celebrate that moment for yourself. But it's also your day. So, you know, think about, if you are, you know, doing a welcome party too, like if you love a certain color but you couldn't incorporate it into your wedding because it didn't feel timeless and classic enough, the dress code is that. Everyone wear hot pink. See you there. You know?

Leah Haslage:

Yeah. I love that.

Risa Kostis:

So think about, like, all the different wedding events. Think about your engagement photos. If you want t-shirt and jeans in your kitchen for your engagement photos, there's your t-shirt and jeans, you know? So really think about that stuff and talk to your planner or you know, somebody that you know that's a creative director or a creative person in your life and say, hey, make a list of all the things that feel really, really meaningful to you and start assigning them to different events or different details for your wedding so you don't miss a beat.

Leah Haslage:

I did not even consider the engagement shoot as well. And I have seen a lot of really cute engagement photos that were taken at home on Pinterest in just their t-shirt and jeans, tank top jeans, pajamas, like you can really play with it. Yes.

Risa Kostis:

I love that. And then you can throw up those photos on your wedding website and people can see that side of you as well. There's always a way to work things in. You just have to be creative and give yourself enough time to, you know, make a list. Everything for me is like, make a list. I have so many lists going at all times.

Leah Haslage:

Me too. I have four notebooks of lists next to me right now.

Risa Kostis:

All the notebooks, all the checklists, all the digital things. Like, make yourself a list and really start, you know...

Leah Haslage:

Post-it note lists.

Risa Kostis:

Post-it notes. I got lots of those. And yeah, just make sure that you, you know, really think about the things that feel special to you. And I can guarantee you there's a way to work them. And even if it's right down to your cocktail stirrers, like, there's a way.

Leah Haslage:

Speaking of things being special and working their way in, back to being trendy again, because everything comes around again, is incorporating vintage pieces or reworking like your mom's wedding dress in some way in consignment shopping. So what are your tips if someone wants to choose a vintage gown, whether it be for the big day or for one of the events around it? Because consignment shopping is so different than if you're going to a bridal boutique.

Risa Kostis:

Definitely. Yeah, I mean, I think that's a trend that we're seeing a lot of. My wardrobe is 90% consignment resale. I am so obsessed with resale. I love sustainable fashion. I love giving new life to something. I mean, you can still find things with the tags on them. And there's no way that I would have the shoe and belt collection and vintage jewelry collection that I have without resale shopping. So don't count it out. It's also a great way to monitor your budget and to think about, you know, although let me rewind a little bit. If you are wearing like vintage Oscar de la Renta or Vera Wang or like a high designer that was like a runway piece and you're getting it at Shrimpton Couture, you might not be saving money.

Leah Haslage:

But you're getting something unique and special.

Risa Kostis:

Yes, for sure. So, you know, there's so many different ways to incorporate those details. In fact, those are my favorite weddings. Those are my favorite weddings. When people are, I don't know if you saw Alex Cooper's wedding, one of my all-time favorite celebrity weddings. I have a couple that is probably right at the top of my list. She worked with stylist Mimi Cottrell and Mimi has such a great eye and pulled pieces in. I think they might have worked with Tab Vintage for those pieces and I'm obsessed with Tab. I'm obsessed with Happy Isles. I'm obsessed with Shrimpton Couture. Those are all amazing luxury resale, bridal resale, and just high-end couture stores that you can find some of the most insane pieces at.

Leah Haslage:

Oh, that's good to know.

Risa Kostis:

Yeah, when you're thinking about like where to shop and how to, again, work it into your personal style, have some inspiration. Like who, whose wedding did you look at and think, man, I want to look like that. Or what did you find on Pinterest that really, that you keep pinning the same thing. You're like, oh, I like this makeup. Oh, I like this makeup. Oh, those are the same photo. So really when your eye is drawn to the same thing over and over, or when you're like, oh, I want to look like Alex Cooper, like that hairstyle, like I would have never expected Alex, she has great hair, I would have never expected her to wear her hair up and like a really clean bun or chignon. And she looked so effortless and timeless with like minimal makeup. And I know like, listen, we can't all always do that. And we don't look all the same, but there's something really beautiful about like going back to an old dress that you're giving new life to. And that just maybe has a story that can become part of your story.

One of my favorite stories is Sarah Blakely, founder of Spanx. has actually passed her wedding dress on to like seven different brides so this is like the story of like the traveling dress so she started like she gifted her dress to a bride who wore it and then the the whole idea of this dress is that it gets passed on to another bride every time and then it gives a new life. And she has a daughter, so she could have easily kept that dress. Maybe it'll come back to her daughter. Who knows? But I just think that's such a cool story. So, like, every time you're pulling in something like that, you're just creating a story and a narrative that's really cool around your big day. So, when you are consignment shopping, though, definitely think about what the brand is, what condition is it in? Does it need major alterations? Is the lace ruined? You know, can it be repaired? Things like that. You know, what condition and state is it in?

Leah Haslage:

Yeah.

Risa Kostis:

You always want to try on because oftentimes those things are final sale. So if you are really considering doing it and you know it needs heavy alterations, bring a tailor or seamstress with you to an appointment before you pull the trigger, because it is a commitment. And you want to make sure that whatever you have in mind for a new iteration of that gown, whether it's adding sleeves, removing something, shortening it, whatever it is, that it can be done. Because if it can't, then you're stuck with a dress that maybe cost you a lot of money that you didn't get to wear, or you had a vision in your head, which so many brides do. And it can't come to life. So make sure that before you spend the money there, that you're consulting a professional. Um, and then, yeah, just, you know, do a search and figure out what's in your area. There's probably some hidden gems or hit up some estate sales and, you know, just keep an open mind and give yourself some time because chances are something is going to need to be done to it in order to make it fit your body perfectly. Because a lot of times vintage was altered to fit somebody's body perfectly. So it's very rare that you can find a dress that just fits like a glove.

Leah Haslage:

Oh my god, it makes me think of Kim Kardashian like totally ruining the Meryl Monroe dress at the Met Gala. Because you can see the seams busting. Oh my god, sorry.

Risa Kostis:

I know, we never know the full story of those things but yeah it's just, it's things like that you know moments of history, pieces of history and those moments where you're just like oh no no, I don't even want to see that, I gotta look away, because you just don't know. But yeah i mean that's a good point though because like some of the vintage pieces are

Leah Haslage:

custom made. I mean, most of them are custom made. So do bring someone with you. I would never have thought to bring a professional to see if it's possible.

Risa Kostis:

Yeah, I'm lucky because my mom is an incredible seamstress who made my sister's wedding gown from scratch. And she's just so brilliant. We can we we collaborate on tons of fun, like costume projects together. She has recreated Sarah Jessica Parker's dress from the Sex and the City movie wedding gown for me. I don't know. You guys can go troll my Instagram and see some incredible stuff. Yeah I even made like the bird headpiece like we did the whole thing we mimicked my makeup artist did the makeup like we did a whole shoot around this.

Leah Haslage:

I love this I can’t wait to see it.

Risa Kostis:

Yes I'll send it to you too but it's on my Instagram and my mom and I did that so she she is my you know always my partner in crime for that stuff. I do not do, you know, anything like that without her. I've never shopped for a wedding gown with her, but, you know, I would not without her because she knows everything that's possible. And now I'm pretty savvy and generally know as well.

Leah Haslage:

What a great collaboration, though. That's so fun. So something I definitely want to make sure we talk about, because a lot of people have destination weddings and a lot of this can also probably apply for any other, like if you're a guest going to a destination wedding as well. But what are some things you want to make sure you have when traveling for a destination wedding?

Risa Kostis:

Yeah. I mean, again, plan for inclement weather. So I think, you know, it's really important to have extras of things. Here's what happens a lot with destination weddings, Leah. Your wedding party oftentimes forgets to pack something. And this happens with, I mean, most weddings these days are destinations. People are traveling. So, you know, a checklist and literally like having your wedding party, take a photo of their suitcase packed so you know. I mean, I don't know. Extra bow ties are always key. Extra ties like one extra. I always tell any bride or groom that works with me with fashion for accessories, always order one extra. You just never know. Somebody is going to either stain it, ruin it, forget it, or, you know, who knows? It might not be returnable, but it'll be worth it. Take it apart later and make it into a Christmas ornament and hang it on your tree. I don't care what you do with it.

Leah Haslage:

Oh, that's great.

Risa Kostis:

Yeah, just like, you know, plan for somebody to forget something. And even if it's like mix match dresses for bridesmaid, one extra dress just in case, like having that checklist and making sure that you have extras. Because if you are traveling to somewhere that doesn't have a mall, or a tailor or a seamstress, like you need to make sure that you have planned for anything like that to go wrong.

I once did a wedding where I worked with the groom on a custom suit. We picked a custom lining. We had custom embroidery with the date and their initials and the whole thing. I sent them a checklist. I did my due diligence. Groom forgot his suit jacket in their hometown. And we didn't find this out until he started to get dressed. And it was a three-day wedding. I had basically, I mean, I had eyes on pretty much everything wardrobe-wise from that wedding, but you just assume that when his suit was brought out of the car, I was more focused on her attire. I mean, he had his suit bag, he just didn't have the jacket. No, he didn't have the whole suit. It was not just the jacket. I take that back because my assistant, in the middle of a Saturday, we were in the middle of kind of nowhere too, North Scottsdale, like up near nothing. There was one tailor open and he happened to have a suit that really wasn't a perfect fit, but it was black. And he sold it to us retail. We had to like put it on the credit card. And then I had to like double stick tape his hem because there was no time for tailoring. And all this work that was put into planning for that wardrobe. And that was just coming from Tucson to Scottsdale, nevermind going out of the country.

So the other thing, the other tip I have for this is be aware of what is in that area when you do travel somewhere. Is there a tailor nearby? Have you gotten their contact information? Have you introduced yourself and said, hey, I'm getting married in your area. This is what we're wearing. Just FYI, I just want to know that I have somebody on the inside somewhere, a contact. Somebody, a point person, someone on the ground, boots on the ground, because you need to know that there's people available to you. If your planner can help look, where's the nearest Target? Where's the nearest, you know, floral shop? Like, where's the nearest grocery store in case we need to make a quick boutonniere on the fly, like whatever it may be. Know what's in your area before you go anywhere. And then, of course, you need to have all of your styling tools. Like, make sure that you, if you know what color people are wearing, you might not need to have all the thread, but make sure that you've got that color. You know, your double stick tape, your hair and pin kit, your body tape, all of that stuff.

Leah Haslage:

Makeup, hairspray.

Risa Kostis:

Everything. Like, all of those tools. You know, the styling tools, I think of like destination weddings, like that's our best customer right there because they might not have everything they need at their fingertips. So we want to make sure that they're armed with, you know, our kit. So at least they have all of those items and can potentially...

Leah Haslage:

Find out in advance if your hotel has a steamer too.

Risa Kostis:

Yes. And that was, that's another thing that is always in my, in my travel kit is like a travel steamer and I tell everyone that too like always have a travel steamer because everyone's coming you know right out of suitcases and gowns are probably going to be wrinkled, shirts are going to get wrinkled, no matter how you travel with them in a garment bag or not. The dress might need to be touched up, but travel steamer, a thousand percent.

Leah Haslage:

How do you travel with your wedding dress and suit?

Risa Kostis:

Yeah. So, I mean, if you're not going to ship it, which, you know, shipping is risky, but people do it all the time. You'll want to travel if you can. Well, it would be nice if you could get a whole overhead bin for your gown, but in a perfect world, you're not going to get that. And usually in the first class area, they might be able to hang it for you or they might be able to give you some bin space. Not everyone's able to buy a first class ticket anywhere. We're not all traveling first class, so let's just start there. But you really need to hand carry it and it needs to be in a long gusseted garment bag that you can just get on Amazon if your salon didn't give you a bag that's long enough to carry the bag but there are some great like tri-fold snapping travel bags as well for your less like bulky dresses.

It kind of depends on like the size of your dress too. How many layers of tulle are we talking? Is it a ball gown? Is it silky? Because I there are some great garment bags out there that some of my brides have shared with me and said hey if you know anyone looking for this garment bag like this is a great This is a great tool and it worked for me but also some dresses are a lot more like slinky and thin and the fabric lends itself more to traveling than ball gowns.

I don't let people usually ever check their wedding dress just because it's very scary to do that but with suits you want to do garment bag for sure hand carry and then with your dress you want to try to hand carry as well and you just have to know that like in route it's probably going to get a little bit wrinkled but if you can make sure that it's in a plastic garment bag that's tied off at the bottom and then your cloth garment bag just for you know any risk that we're taking with like just anyone handling it or if it has to go up above, like an extra line of defense just to protect it. If it's embellished and you can get it inside out, I always like to pack things inside out. If you are packing it in a carry-on.

Leah Haslage:

Oh, because beading could easily get ripped.

Risa Kostis:

Yeah, and your bridal salon should give you some extra beading, like the designer should give you some extra beading. But, you know, I haven't really heard a lot of nightmare stories traveling with gowns, so hopefully those tips will help people. Good luck out there!

Leah Haslage:

We'll be right back after a quick break.

Leah Haslage:

So let's talk about guests, because dress code is something that unless you're just having a show up in the backyard and whatever you're wearing kind of day, which is rare for weddings, they're out there and good for you if you want to do that, like go for it. But how important do you think it is to state this is cocktail, semi-formal, formal, and I'm starting to see more and more where couples are saying wear the specific color or come dressed in, you know, say it's a destination.

There was one wedding in particular recently. Someone told me that they had to attend and they, the couple, put down specifically… Men are to wear this exact linen suit, this kind of shirt. Women are to wear this exact, like, outfit. So nine times out of ten, you're shelling out money for, you know, going to a wedding. But sometimes you want to re-wear a piece, right? But this was like, nope, you got to plop down all this extra money for these specific items.

Risa Kostis:

I've never heard that, Leah.

Leah Haslage:

Oh, it's the only time I've heard it. And I could not believe what the girl was telling me. But, um, yeah, she was not happy about it. And if it wasn't family, she probably wouldn't have gone. But um, so what is your take on guest attire?

Risa Kostis:

Wow, I don't even know how to like, follow that. You know, listen, it is your day and you are asking people to invest and that's their choice if they want to come and they want to be a part of that. And I think we have to let go of this attachment of like, I'm never speaking to that person again if they don't attend my wedding. You know, if you're putting parameters, the more parameters you put on your wedding day, the more chances you have of people feeling like maybe this event isn't for them. So just first and foremost, be aware of that, that the more strict you are with that type of stuff, maybe you are trying to just slash that guest list. I don't know. But I am seeing dress code color palette a lot. And I think it's kind of fun.

Listen, when we launched the rescue kit inside of Saks Fifth Avenue, I put on the invite, please dress in our brand colors. Here's the color palette. And I wanted the photos and video to be like really fun and aesthetically pleasing. And they had fun and they understand like we're a fashion company and like I'm a fashion person and it was really fun and there were people that didn't adhere to it but like for the most part people did and it was a great like photo opportunity and video opportunity.

And I am seeing a lot of people like I worked at a Jewish wedding recently and they, everyone was to wear black, right down to every vendor too. I mean, they wanted everyone in black. No if, ands, or buts. No colorful shoes, no nothing. Black, black across the board. Everyone looked smashing. I mean this entire, this was maybe the best dressed wedding guest,attendee group that I have ever seen. I loved it. I thought it was so chic, so classy.

Yeah, it was so beautiful and then a girlfriend of mine did the you know dress in a color palette for her wedding last October and it was very specific terracotta, teal, blush you know in the wedding colors and everyone really looked quite nice and I loved it and I don't know I think like it's acceptable for sure and just know that there are going to be some people who like you know buck the request, but as the host of the event, you could reserve the right to be like, you gotta figure that out, you gotta change. But I also think when you are doing that, you wanna make sure that you, and yes, okay, I'll finish that thought. When you do that, you wanna make sure that you are providing resources and examples for them.

Leah Haslage:

Yeah, if you're being specific, not just semi-formal formal.

Risa Kostis:

Pinterest board specific that's shared on your wedding website that everyone can get to for the people who you think are not on Pinterest for your older guests or people who are not on social media and not like seeing your obsessive wedding posts. Make sure that you're sharing that to them via email. You're sending them a PDF of the color palette. And then on top of that, you need to go, I think, above and beyond and do one extra step by providing websites and resources and places where they can shop with a different range of budgets. Because I think when we are making that request, it's, you know, a courtesy to help them in their quest for the perfect color and the perfect dress. Because we have to think about, like, there is a specific climate that they're shopping for, too. And, you know, maybe they need to consider their footwear. And they, you know, there's a lot of things that go into getting dressed that people don't think about.

And there's a lot of stress and pressure around being a guest at a wedding. Like, you have to fly in. You have to book your travel. You have to book your hotel. Like, you have to show up for all these events. You have to pack your suitcase. You have to get a dog sitter, a baby sitter, a house sitter. Um, you know, maybe you have to update your passport. Like there's so much that goes into attending a wedding. So I think on the other side of that, the bride and groom need to really think about how they can make it as easy and seamless if this is something that they really want for their big wedding day.

Leah Haslage:

No, I love that. Thank you for saying that to be more considerate of your guests, because I think it's so easy for us to get wrapped up in what we want as a couple. And we don't always consider how the guests might feel.

Risa Kostis:

And we don't have to, you know, go to therapy with them to, like, make sure that they're good.

Leah Haslage:

No, no, no, no. But just, like, don't require them to wear something that's uncomfortable. Yeah. And let me say this. Like, if you're having a Halloween wedding and you want costumes, I am all for a fucking costume.

SPEAKER_00:

You do that.

Leah Haslage:

Let's go. Let's have it. But if someone's not comfortable with costumes and they want to show up without a costume or not show up at all, don't take it personally. That's their personal thing. But when you're saying like, you have to buy this $120 linen suit from Tommy Bahama, I'm just, that's what it sounded like from this girl. And like, you have to have that only. That's when you start to like, now you're fucking with someone's wallet and their personality and that's uncomfortable.

Risa Kostis:

That seems like a really intense request for me. I don't want to dictate what other people are wearing because I just know what it feels like to be the person getting dressed and like to be working with people who really struggle with getting dressed. So that's not a request that I would make. I really think you should consider elopement at that point in your life, right? And then if you want to host a party. I am so sorry to all the brides out there that really are requesting this specific ensemble for people to wear because-

Leah Haslage:

I think it's very rare because she said that the bride was kind of the opposite of a bridechilla. We'll just say that. She was very much demanding of all the things. So like, this is a rare bird and let's keep it that way.

Risa Kostis:

Yeah, I think it feels really stressful to put those kinds of parameters because, listen, if people don't adhere to that, is that all you're going to be thinking about on your wedding day besides marrying the love of your life? That feels like it defeats the purpose of everything a wedding is all about to me. And I think I can say that because I've been a part of so many weddings. I've been engaged. I've never been married. But when you start to lose sight of what's really important on your wedding day and you start to nitpick what people are wearing, and it becomes a source of stress and like a dumpster fire at your wedding, like that feels to me like it's taking you away from the point of your big day. So I think whatever you require, whatever you've got going on, make sure that it's adding to your day and not taking away from it.

Leah Haslage:

No, so well said. So well said. And I think part of that too, unless you're just that, I don't know, anal about things, I feel like it's really just you putting your actual personal issues out on something else. It's like that whole analogy of like if you're a couple fighting and you're bitching about the dishes, but it's not actually about the dishes. It's about what was said a week ago, right? So I kind of look at it that way too. If you're being that hyper-focused on how the guests are going to look and what they're doing and you're putting such small, you know, like you said, parameters around this, right? What are you really, what's really going on?

Risa Kostis:

Yeah, you bring up a really good point. Like working on your mindset before your wedding is so hugely important. And like just how you feel as an individual and how chill you can be. Like, you need to find your inner bridechilla. I think you need to, to really work on yourself if you're, if you're feeling like you're bringing other stressors in because you won't be able to fully embrace and enjoy the day. And this is also something that I coach on with my styling clients. Like, and I just, a lot of what I do, I always say it's like 90% like therapy and 10% talent. Like I'm good with people. I understand people really, really well. I can read a situation with my eyes closed. And I just think like so much of the stress that we feel around getting dressed is just how we feel about ourselves or in our current relationship or in our job or just like what's happening in our immediate environment.

And so how are you taking care of yourself? How are you treating yourself? How are you treating your partner? Like how much work have you guys done on the relationship and all of that stuff? So you can fully step into this wedding space and not have it break you up. You know, or like end friendships or, you know, cause you to like detest your future parents-in-law or something. Like just understand the dynamics and like sit down together and set the intention for this planning process and like set the intention with your whole family and have a meeting about it first and not just a bunch of like behind people's back phone calls and really like work on work on setting the tone for this wedding because it all kind of starts with you too, right? And if you can diffuse situations and if you find yourself a planner that's super chill too. Like if you already run type A, like I do, and my hairdresser always says, you know too much. Like when she's doing my hair, I'm like, you missed a spot, you know, or like somebody, the poor girl who did my hair yesterday for my photo shoot, you know, I'm like, I gotta go. And this isn't working. Like, you know, and, and I'm really honest, but like, it's fine if you're particular and you know what you want, because I think that's what makes like for a great entrepreneur. It's what makes for a great partner. If you can speak what you want. But, like, really work on, you know, making sure that you are choosing the team around you that keeps you really calm and is the yin to your yang, right?

And not choosing a planner that's going to keep things really high-strung and over-dramatize things and that's just going to diffuse everything for you. And just, you know, really like get the communication going with your whole family and say, listen, these are the things that could potentially stress me out. So if you have this problem, take it to this person. If you need a fashion thing, I've hired a stylist for that. Like take me out of these, you know, the things that might be really stressful and just, you know, do all of that in advance of the planning process. And I think you will have less feelings about uncle Joe who showed up in a t-shirt and jeans instead of. black tie attire. Like, go stick him at the bar and let him go hang out over there and then he can come into the party later when the picture's done.

Leah Haslage:

I don't know. What's your advice, though? I'm so glad we're talking about this because I think so much of everything else does come down to our emotional and mental health. What do you tell couples that are not happy with their body at the moment? Especially once they do get their suit and their dress and that and they're like, oh, I don't feel as pretty. You know, I don't feel as me. And maybe, you know, you're trying on your dress and you happen to be having a bad hair day and it's just making everything else domino effect worse, right? Or you have a breakout. Because stress can break you out, right? You might always have great skin, but stress? The body keeps the score, people. Let me tell you.

Risa Kostis:

Yeah, your skin definitely does, too. But absolutely. I mean, I am somebody who has struggled with that forever. And, you know, stress manifests itself in my body in so many different ways. I deal so much with body image issues with my clients and myself, too. I mean, anyone who says they don't have any body image issues, like, I want to know what you're doing. They're probably sauna, cold plunging like 18 times a day.

Leah Haslage:

Or they're lying to your fucking face.

Risa Kostis:

Right? I mean, like, especially as women, there's so much pressure around how we look on the wedding day. Because that's like, for us, oftentimes our greatest ROI, right? Is like, how did I look? Right? Like, everything else can fall apart. But like, if I look good, We're good.

Leah Haslage:

And those pictures are forever, right?

That's right. And social media is now forever. And so there's a lot of eyes on you. It's really stressful. It's like taking the stage for something. It's like everyone is scrutinizing you. And the first thing you usually hear people say is like, you look so beautiful. And they don't stop and just say to you like, you look really happy. Or I'm so happy for you. I know what a journey it's been for you to find love. And like the I'm right by the bride's side throughout the whole day. So all she's hearing is, you know, from like resort onlookers like, oh, there's the beautiful princess bride. Like, look at her. She's so beautiful.

And like everyone is kind of just talking about how you look as opposed to like, oh, my gosh, I'm so happy to be here. I loved the cocktail napkins that, you know, had your like message to each other or like there's just there's a lot of pressure around how you look. And so I think for these brides that are sweating for the wedding and things like that, you know, just doing all this, like, hardcore dieting and double-session workouts and things like that, like, my heart just, like, goes out to them because it's like the Bride Wars movie. Like, you don't alter Vera Wang to fit you. You alter you to fit Vera Wang, you know?

Leah Haslage:

I forgot about that line. Oh my God.

Risa Kostis:

It’s all I can think about when we talk about this, you know what I mean? Like it's so like it's all over society, all over the media that a bride has to look a certain way and get married at the plaza. I mean, that movie is like the perfect example that we feel as brides and so I just want to, like, I just want to give you some grace, I just want to give you some love.

If you're listening to this and you're feeling like I really wanted to wear a slinky dress and my body won't allow it or you know I don't feel confident in that I want you to remember that it's important to like set boundaries around you know what you're taking in from people, what you're posting and just like what you're consuming and cut the noise around you as well. Try on all the dresses that you want that make you feel really good about yourself. Don't worry about what you're eating, how much you're working out. Like, don't worry about that. Like, really enjoy this moment and celebrate and think about what it took to get here and like what your body has done for you in order to be here and to be marrying the person of your life and the love of your life, whoever that may be.

And especially for men as well, like, cause it's not just women who struggle, it's men as well. And, and I want those guys, any guys listening and you know, whoever is getting married to whomever, whoever you are and whoever you love, I want you to know that you matter. You're beautiful no matter what. And this day is about the celebration of the person that you have found. And I think if you can stay in that mindset, you're going to radiate. It isn't going to matter what you wear. Because what I'm looking for as a stylist is how much you are radiating happiness. And when I look at my couples, and when I look at the tears that come out of people's eyes during the first look, like that's what I'm looking for. That's the feeling that I want. And then that will, I think, permeate in the room around your guests. And it won't be about like what you're wearing or your body.

And so it's easy, I think, you know, to coach on, but it's hard to get there as an individual and in any situation, whether it's your wedding or just taking the stage or going to a meeting or and wearing what makes you feel good, but like envision yourself as just like this person who is lucky and go into it with gratitude. And I think, you know, it's all we can do. It's all we can do. And just be kind to yourself. And don't do extreme things that could potentially harm you. Just celebrate who you are as you are, the way that you got engaged, and why that person loves you. I don't know. That was a little bit soapboxy.

Leah Haslage:

I love every ounce of that, and I'm so happy to hear it. And I want everyone to soak in, drink in what you just said, because it's so true. And there is a natural glow with happiness. You do naturally glow. I want to give you a big heart and hug right now.

Risa Kostis:

I'm like, you know, I think about it like as a single person, I'm 43 and I'm single and I was engaged and we called it off. And like, oftentimes I felt like a failure, you know, it was like it was public in town and there was like a wedding magazine that was doing a whole story on me, like series, you know, blogging about it. And, and it was just like, I shouted it from the rooftops and then it just came crashing down.

And so I just think about like, but like now when people see me as an entrepreneur and you know, this is like seven years later, but the first thing they do say to me is like, you're glowing, you look so happy. And like, it's because I did the work on myself and I didn't need anything else to get to that stage. I needed to work on myself and I needed to celebrate myself. And you're in your healthiest relationship with yourself. And I think that's when you can be in the healthiest relationship with somebody else is when you are in it with yourself first and foremost.

Leah Haslage:

I'm so happy you said all of that. Thank you so much for sharing your journey and all of your advice. Because you do glow.

Risa Kostis:

Thank you.

Leah Haslage:

Okay, we're not done just yet. Final question. You already started to say earlier, Alex Cooper from Call Her Daddy is one of your all-time favorite celebrity weddings. Aside from Alex Cooper, do you have any other celebrity favorites that you want to shout out to?

Risa Kostis:

I do. I don't know if you know who she is, but Kate Bach and Kevin Love.

Leah Haslage:

Oh yeah! Sports Illustrated, Kate Bach and Kevin Love, who I'm a Cleveland, Ohio girl.

Risa Kostis:

Oh my gosh!

Leah Haslage:

And Kevin Love played for my Cleveland Cavaliers.

Risa Kostis:

I chose the perfect celebrity couple. Kate wore Ralph Lauren. She's a friend of Ralph Lauren's. And it was at the New York City Public Library. It's giving sex in the city. It had notes of Grace Kelly. It had notes of sex in the city. It was so dreamy. It was so romantic. It was so classic New York. Kate was probably one of the most beautiful brides I have ever seen. I just love her anyway and I just love their love and so that, besides Alex Cooper, that would be my other celebrity wedding. It was just timeless and classic. Yeah, she just has exquisite taste and I loved that wedding.

Leah Haslage:

And Ralph Lauren doesn't do many dresses. I think she's like his fifth or sixth celebrity bride.

Risa Kostis:

Yeah, you don't see a lot of Ralph. You might see it in, like, you know, some red carpet and things like that. But for Bridal, I love seeing Ralph Bridal.

Leah Haslage:

Me too. I wish he made it a thing.

Risa Kostis:

I know. I know, but it makes it even more special.

Leah Haslage:

I'd be a Russell.

Risa Kostis:

It's true.

Leah Haslage:

So, how can we get more information on you, the Rescue Kit Company, and what is next in store for the company?

Risa Kostis:

Yeah, I mean, we designed this company to have a lot of legs and arms. So, you know, we really want to expand and, you know, that means innovation for our own products, more of our own products. Hopefully partnering with as many venues as possible, as a great gift for booking brides and we just want to be everywhere in every home. So spread the word tell all your friends you can find us on therescukitco.com. You can find us on Instagram @therescukitco. That's where we're the most active. Same with TikTok, we're not good at TikTok, but we're trying, okay?

And then me personally, risakostis.com and @risakostis on Instagram. And we would just love it if people would just share the Rescue Kit company with somebody that they know that's getting married. And it's such a great gift. So keep us in mind for the gift of preparedness. And, you know, we just want to have everyone's back and we want to be in the bridal suite and in the getting ready room with everyone.

Leah Haslage:

By the way, you are one of my favorite Instagrams to follow. Just FYI, just putting it out there. You really are. Well, thank you so much for being here, Risa. I want to have you back on in the future. You are so wonderful, and thanks for all the fantastic advice. We appreciate you.

Risa Kostis:

Oh, thank you, Leah. You guys are the best. I'm so grateful to be on. Anytime I have the chance to talk about what I do and how we can just help any one person, like, it's just such an honor. So thank you so much for having me on.

Leah Haslage:

Thanks for joining us today! Be sure to subscribe wherever you get podcasts so you never miss an episode. Give us a follow on social media and visit thebridechilla.com. To leave a question you'd like to hear answered on the show, head to speakpipe.com/bridechillapodcast, also linked in the description.

Bridechilla is a production of Evergreen Podcasts. Thanks to our producer and engineer, Gray Sienna Longfellow, and our executive producers, Brigid Coyne and Gerardo Orlando. And of course, a special thanks to Aleisha, our OG bridechilla, and Meghan Ely of OFD Consulting. I'm your host, Leah Haslage. Until next time, Chillas!