Building the Perfect Day and the Journey to Joy with Wedding Expert David Tutera

Patrice Catan:

I have some exciting news today. I'd like to introduce David Tutera. He is an icon in the event planning business and many other things. Great designer, great friend, and we're here today to listen to him in many different facets of the bridal industry. David, say hello to everybody.

David Tutera:

Oh my gosh. I am always so glad to talk to everybody, but before I get any deeper into this, I am so thrilled to be with you, Patrice. You are also an icon and you have taught me so much in leading forward in the industry and you are really truly a special person to me. I'm honored to be on this with you and to be by your side.

Patrice Catan:

Well, thank you very much, David, and it's very interesting, but through the years we've all learned a lot and we've developed our talents in many different directions. Let's give them a little background right now on how you started, what you're all about and how we ended up joining together.

David Tutera:

It's funny, I was getting ready this morning. You know when you're getting ready, washing your hair and thinking, "What are we going to talk about?" I knew you were going to ask that question, so I'm very prepared. I'm going to start with sharing a really quick insight to how I started in my career and I'm going to keep it short and sweet because I've been doing this for over three decades, so we wouldn't have enough time. I was in school going to college, dropped out, decided that it wasn't for me, and then I wound up taking this job becoming a singing telegram delivery person dressed up in costumes for this woman who had a singing telegram company in Scarsdale, New York, which is a very affluent area of Westchester County. Six months into it, I was making some decent money for a 19-year-old and she said, "Listen, I'm going to Boco with my husband and I'm retiring. Would you like to buy my company?"

I said, "I can't. I have no money." So I asked my grandfather, Patrice and I have talked a lot about my grandfather. My grandfather came over from Italy at the age of 13, worked in a flower shop for 47 years, and finally bought that company at the age of 47 when he started at 13. Then I started to work for him on the weekends creating flower centerpieces and answering the phones and taking the orders. It was sort of my accidental entree into the industry. Then I just said to pop-pop, my grandfather, Joseph Corsero, I said, "Listen, I'd like to open up a little shop and maybe start a business," and he says, "Well, do you know anything about work? Business? Making money? Overhead? Budgets?" I said, "No," and he said, "Well, I'm not going to give you the money to start it, but I am going to sit you down and tell you what you need to learn."

He taught me about perishables and profitables and learning how to run a business and how to connect with clients. That was just the very beginning of my career and it took off over years. I went from doing nothing to doing a little bit to doing more, and then the Jewish community in Westchester County sort of embraced me and I became the bar mitzvah king. That's what I was doing for years, bar mitzvahs. What did I know about bar mitzvahs? Right? Let me tell you something. I just told this story on the stage in front of 5,000 people in Las Vegas what I keyed a couple weeks ago. I said, "My education came from the mavens of moms of the bar mitzvah children. They taught me everything I knew nothing about."

I mean, Patrice, I knew nothing. I didn't know what a place setting was, a charger plate, covering the dance floor, ceiling. Why are you covering the ceiling with fabric? Why are you covering the chairs with table backs? They taught me how to do a place setting. I didn't even know how to do a place setting. I learned from my clients and they're my masters. I mean, they literally taught me everything.

Patrice Catan:

Well, that's true, David. We both got along very well when I met you many years later because we came from the same cloth. We worked in the trenches, we worked our way up, we developed our talent that was God-given and we took it and we worked with people and we watched them be happy. You're creativity as a designer is off the chart. We worked together for many years. We developed a lot together. Tell the audience some of the funny stories and I'll interject of what went on when we were designing. Hey, tell them about party in a box. What happened to that? It went in the rubbish.

David Tutera:

Nothing happened with it, but it was a great idea. See, Patrice has great concepts, she has great ideas, she thinks outside, no pun intended, outside the box. We sat a lot, we talked a lot. I just want to go back for a second just to sort of pay homage to Patrice. We did a focus group when I first launched my first fashion line in bridal and I knew nothing about the people in the industry. I just knew I wanted to do a line. They brought in a couple people in the industry and Patrice was sitting in my office in New York City. I had a big office in New York City and there were, I think, probably about six people there. Patrice sat next to me. She doesn't hold back anything so she sort of gave advice on all of it.

Then she pulled me aside and she said, "Listen, we should do something together. I have this little business that I have out in Strongsville, Ohio," and I thought, "Okay." I don't know her. I didn't Patrice so I'm thinking, "Okay, I'll get in a flight and go see her or her little store." I landed and I was like, "Holy crap." It was the city. It was a city of crazy creative products. She downplayed this family business that really honestly was just a really powerful business. We clicked and because of Patrice, we wound up having this very successful brand and line of product that you, Patrice, led the ship and we built it and we created it and wound up in multiple retail locations and we had a very successful brand. I thank Patrice only for that. I mean, without you, I couldn't have had done it.

Patrice Catan:

Well, it's funny, but it was an exciting time. It was very exciting for me because I was using the talent that was God-given and I had met somebody that was really above my talent that also you taught me a lot. We sat down, we brainstormed. I remember it took us three days and we invented this whole line of products for the reception, for before the reception, after it, at the church, anywhere you wanted to do. We just threw it on the table, put it together and thank God it did work. It was an exciting time in the industry. Today the industry has changed drastically. There isn't as much creativity as there was even five years ago. Do you agree, David?

David Tutera:

I 100% agree and I was just walking through a couple retail stars recently just buying product for my kids for crafting and I was looking down the aisles and I sort of was stunned. I went to the front and asked a manager, I said, "Where's the wedding product?" There isn't any. It's off the shelves. It doesn't exist.

Patrice Catan:

It doesn't exist.

Leah Haslage:

Both of you, why do you think that is? What do you think is causing the demise of the crafting and the creativity aspect?

David Tutera:

I would say that the consumer, which is now we're talking two consumers, we're talking the crafting consumer. I think it's easier for the crafting consumer because I think it is still available for them. It's less of quantity of options. But the world of weddings, I don't have an answer for anyone. Joey and I talk about this all the time, my husband and myself, and we're like, "Weddings is a multi-billion business. Where are they getting it from?" I know the answer to the question where they're getting it from. I don't want to say it on this podcast because I don't want to give them the credibility for it, but consumers, couples getting married I think are more lost today than they've ever been lost before, because they've always had a challenge and I think it needs to get fixed and I don't know how to fix it.

Patrice Catan:

I agree with you, David, and it's very sad when you take a look at the aisles and there's nothing to buy in the wedding industry. Nothing to even come up with and create out of something. If there is a creation out of something, it's in small packages. You have to buy 10 packages of something to do the creation. It looks like a dying art, but it's got to be revived. This is one of the reasons why I went into podcasting because I felt that there's a need for education in what you and I both know and you being the icon of the industry and I learned so much from you, it's a way of developing and encouraging people that we need to go back to the basics.

David Tutera:

Yes, I completely agree. We have multiple education platforms that we teach to our industry. I talk about our industry being the professionals who are planners and designers and rental companies, et cetera, et cetera. We do a conference once a year, we do mentorship programs, we do classes online. What's fascinating to me is these are people that have either been in the business for maybe as long as I've been in it and some who are just starting who still have no direction. The point is that there's been no leveling up in this particular industry.

Patrice Catan:

Absolutely.

David Tutera:

Which I don't understand because it is such an opportunity for anyone, whether you've just started or you're in 30 years of being in the business to now bring it to the consumer, but you have to have a professional explain the process. You can't just walk down an aisle and go, "Oh, what is that? Oh wait, I don't need that. Or how many of that do I need to have for so many X amount of guests at this celebration?" Whether it be a birthday party, a wedding, an anniversary, whatever it is, there's no guidance and that's the challenge.

Patrice Catan:

That's right. It's a big challenge today. Also with the brides. Myself, working with the brides over 40 years, they need to be educated. How are they educated? They're educated by us educating them in what they need to know to plan a wedding from start to finish. Create themselves a budget, a timeline, what's the most important to them and go on and on to create this picture, this watercolor of their special time in their life. Creativity, I feel, and I'm sure you say the same, you got it from your grandfather, I got it from my father, is very important and it's missing today. The educators like ourselves, there isn't a lot of us anymore. There isn't a lot that's really worked in the trenches that know the pieces, parts it takes to make this work.

Whether it's a wedding, a celebration, a bridal bouquet, whatever it may be, it's missing and it's a sad, sad day. Girls today should know how to put a bouquet together. They should know the ins and outs of how to walk down the aisle. Does anybody show them? I mean, you can be anybody you want in the industry, but you got to learn the basics and we're missing that today. The basics are missing. We are the educators. What can we do to make sure these people are educated? What avenues do we take?

David Tutera:

I know. This has been a battle for us, for all of us. [14:09] It's interesting, I think that couples that are getting married, where are they going? You know where they're going? They're going to TikTok, they're going to Instagram, they're going to Facebook, they're going to every ridiculous platform and seeing something that is so magnificent, right?

Patrice Catan:

That's correct.

David Tutera:

But two problems. A, who's putting that together and how can you do it? And B, it's super expensive because they're looking at the over the top elements on social and not the reality of where they are.

Leah Haslage:

Do you find Pinterest to be more of a con than a pro then?

[14:51] David Tutera:

I used to complain about Pinterest for years. I said Pinterest is the devil to the designer because it gives the consumer too many options. But now I've reversed that philosophy. Pinterest to me has actually simplified what we needed. Back then, to me, it was that devil that I thought created chaos. What we need now is we need exactly what Patrice is saying is that we need the simple tactile step outs on what you need to do, how do you need to make it, and what are the costs to be able to put something together.

Patrice Catan:

That's correct, and they need to be educated and they need to be educated by the people that have been trained and worked from the bottom up to make it work. There's a lot of people out there that want to do what we did and they can learn, but we need to teach them. [15:48] This is very important today. We have really lost the tradition of a wedding, a tradition of what it's really all about. We dropped the veil, we dropped the headpiece. We don't want to wear a typical wedding dress. Okay, that's personal choice, but in the process of working with them, telling them what the difference of no veil, veil, it's a simple answer. Remember, David, when we designed the planograms for the craft stores and we were teaching them how to create a budget event for their wedding with the pieces parts we had. This can happen with a lot of things, but they have to know how to do it. A lot of them don't even know what a glue gun is.

You go to buy fern pins, you used to get them by the pound, now you get 10 in a package. What the heck am I going to do with 10 fern pins?

David Tutera:

It's true.

Patrice Catan:

I mean, it's ridiculous. The love of this invigorates you and you want to teach other people, but what direction do you go? I think this is why talking today and being able to educate people outside the box. I retired a year and a half ago and I hate it. So this came along and I thought, "Okay, I had 40 years of experience, 50 in the arts and crafts. It's time for me to educate." Same with you. You've paid your dues time and time again. You're an artist by trade. By the way, give us a little insight about your new book that's coming out.

David Tutera:

Oh, gosh. I am excited about this. Thank you for asking that question, Patrice. During COVID, probably the worst time to probably make a decision like this, I decided to write my memoir good. It's called A Journey to Joy and its subtitle is A Boy Unveiled. It really tells the story of my entire life and my entire life comes with a lot of pain, a lot of love, a lot of happiness, a lot of heartache, a lot of challenges. It really showcases to whomever chooses to read this story it isn't about just me, it's about everything that people experience in their lives. Depression, anxiety, two of which that I have just started to talk about that I've suffered for most of my adolescence to adulthood and how to balance all of that while being in front of the cameras and being on television and being in front of thousands of people.

It's interesting and I found it so cathartic and I found as I was writing it, it wasn't about me. It was about showcasing to other people that there is so much joy and so much opportunity and so many ways that you can lift yourself to move forward. Because so many of us and many of us don't even realize the person sitting next to us is struggling, and for whatever reason. I talk a lot about my mom.

Patrice Catan:

Absolutely.

David Tutera:

She was my cheerleader through my entire life. I talk about where she is now in the very last stages of her life. I just believe that it makes you smile, it certainly makes you laugh and it definitely will make you cry. There is one funny thing I decided to do at the very end before I wrapped up editing is I finished up a chapter, it's sort of towards the middle of the book, and it's called Billionaire Bitches. These are the billionaire women that had hired me over the course of my career and the insanity. When I say insanity behavior of these clients and how they treated not just me but everyone else and the expectations, when you read it, it is laugh out hysterical. Because the book is heavy, there's comedy throughout it as well. So you cry and you laugh at the same time possibly. It's a really special book and it's going to be out probably by the very end of December.

Patrice Catan:

Well, I think it'll be a great success. We both think the same. This is why when we first met, we clicked. Family's very important to us and business creativity and helping other people is very important. I think the platform that we've both chose down the road, like now, is really working with people, helping people and really giving them the knowledge that we have from the years of experience. It's very rewarding to help people. Very rewarding, because really that's what our life is all about. I want to see a bride happy. I don't want anxiety for the bride and I want her taught the right thing the right way, and whatever she can afford, I want her to be creative enough that we're educating her in the field to have what she chooses and to love life for what it is. Because life is very precious.

I lost my father, it'll be 20 years, you never get over it. He was my rock. He was the person that I always went to for advice. You grow with that and you, like me, will remember what your mother said to you as you created your career. It's always in the back of your mind. I say to myself, "Okay, what would dad do if he knew I was doing this or that? Okay, well no, he wouldn't want me to do that. All right, I better go to the left or the right." None of that ever leaves us. What we're doing now at the point of our lives is sharing, sharing what we know to help other people in many different facets of life. Also, I want to know what is going to be launched in 2023 by you?

David Tutera:

Oh, wow. We have been working on a project for now ... also started in the beginning of COVID because we had nothing to do. So we're like, "Okay, so what do we figure out that's different and unique?" We are launching a project that has been thought out very carefully. It's called Dreams Delivered and Dreams Delivered is for the consumer that can't afford a David Tutera event. You can't afford to spend all this big dollars to create your wonderful celebration. We're launching it out first as weddings and celebrations and the beauty of this is it's online and you purchase the items that you feel are appropriate for your celebration. There are nine looks and you can literally pick the linens, the napkins, the charger plates, the accent glasses, the vessels that hold the centerpieces, the votive candles.

Here's the crazy part, it also comes with all the options for each style of multiple invitations that come directly to your door. Also, we are working with a farm outside the country and I have gone and designed all of the flowers that are premade, they are sent directly to their front door and it's all done in a chronological order of what needs to come in the process of leading up to the days of your event. It's affordable for someone to have a beautiful David Tutera celebration at their doorstep delivered to them and they don't even have to step out and go into a retail store.

Leah Haslage:

That's amazing.

Patrice Catan:

Well, all I can tell you is congratulations. I know that'll be a hit. There's no question in my mind. Girls love to go on the internet. They love direction. This is the same thing I'm doing is trying to give direction to the bride, their attire and all their garments to go down the aisle and how to perceive how a wedding should be and be evolved.

David Tutera:

I have found it so hard the past two years for ... I say couples because now I think the groups are very involved. So for the good or for the bad, we'll call it whatever. They don't know what they're supposed to do. They have not been given the tools to understand exactly what Patrice is saying, the tools of what needs to be done, what is the etiquette, what are the formalities, how do figure out what your budget is, who do you invite, what can you afford?

Patrice Catan:

Exactly.

David Tutera:

None of that. That's like a lost art that has been dumped down the drain. What I find now for us is that our clients, our legit clients that are calling us for big events, are just as confused as the client that doesn't have any money to have a big event. I don't know what happened.

Patrice Catan:

Well, I'll tell you. In my end of the industry, David, I think what needs to be addressed is, as you know, when I started the bridal business and I created it from the bottom up and created a very large salon with many employees in different facets, everybody was educated that worked with the brides. Educated. Educated with the mothers, educated in bridesmaid and it goes on and on and the top shelf of alterations. Education is important today. They have to take time to learn to be able to translate this to the consumer. We did over how many years that we've been working with it. When we created stuff under the Durice label, we created it with intent that the client would understand what we were talking about. Remember when we did the planogram from A to Z where it started with the headpiece and veil and went all the way down to the reception?

This is what I'm trying to teach the brides today. This is what you need to know when you walk in a salon. You are doing the same with your new project where you're educating the bride what is next. No matter what your budget is, everybody can have a beautiful wedding. You have to know what you're talking about, and they don't know. They don't know from start to finish. They walk in, "I don't know what I want." Well, the consultant has to be as creative as the person that owns the salon because creativity is where it comes from. Then you have to take the time to educate yourself. Thirdly, you have to be a psychologist that this girl is already anxious and we need to slow her down so she does the right thing.

David Tutera:

It's very, very, very true and sad, unfortunately.

Patrice Catan:

It's very sad and I think this is why I got into this because education was very important, just like it is to you. We know right and wrong. Why? Because everybody going up the ladder makes a lot of mistakes and every time you make a mistake, you learn. You can't be afraid to make a mistake because it's going to happen anyway and then you're going to find out you got to do it differently.

David Tutera:

That's right. I've always said struggles equal success.

Patrice Catan:

That's right.

Leah Haslage:

What's the biggest lesson you've learned from each other?

David Tutera:

I learned so much from Patrice in her, she said it already, her ability to showcase to a consumer. If you think about it, our consumer was a consumer that was getting married. Let's assume most people have never been married and now they've got this big responsibility. What Patrice laid out, which is what she explained just recently, was she took you from the very beginning to the very end of the journey and it was done visually. I remember when we had sat down and we created four different looks. We had four different looks, same product, but it gave the consumer the ability of does she want a princess wedding, does she want a country wedding? Does she want a modern wedding? That was a really brilliant idea because we also were trying to educate the retailer buyers. Not so easy, by the way, because they have a whole conception of their own and they don't know anything about what we know.

Patrice Catan:

Exactly.

David Tutera:

It was hard, but what I learned was Patrice educated everybody. Everybody from the top down and across. For the record, it was a massive success.

Patrice Catan:

It was, I miss it. It was a lot of fun. It was a lot, a lot of fun.

David Tutera:

It was a lot of fun. We had a great time.

Patrice Catan:

In the meantime, we were educating people and we were also educating ourself because, like David said, in the industries we were servicing, they didn't know anything about weddings. The only thing they knew was numbers on a computer and that's not how it works. Or, "We're going to divide your 10 feet and this is going on an end cap." No, it's not. It's in the wrong place at the wrong time. We did have a good run. God only knows what's ahead for any of us. I'm so happy for you, David. You got two beautiful children. I watch them on Facebook all the time. I just laugh because they're doing things all kids do. I remember when they were little and it's sometimes a hard job to coordinate raising children and a profession. We've been through it, but it does work. Everything works if you want it to work.

David Tutera:

Correct.

Patrice Catan:

But you have been very inspiring. I hope you come back again. We'd love to have you in any capacity you want.

David Tutera:

I'd love to come back. I would love, love, love, love to come back.

Patrice Catan:

Because you would have to put up with me.

David Tutera:

I already have. I've put up with you for years and I love you more for it.

Patrice Catan:

Well, I don't know. Sometimes I can be a hard head because in my industry I always say to myself, "Oh my God, am I doing the right thing? Did I do the right thing?" God is with me on this new venture and I pray that I can help a lot of people and educate them to give them a little bit more happiness. I really think it came to me at the right time of my life when I still needed to be involved. Everybody goes, "What do you need to work anymore for?" You know what? This is not a job. This is a way of life. My life was not only family, which is extremely important, but business was my way of life, creativity was my way of life, and the same for you. Without that balance, we are missing some joy.

Now my balance is back and I'm happy and I'm getting to connect with people like you that I haven't seen in a long time. Life goes on. You get older and you think time is so short. Come on, we've got to make this happy. This is what I'm doing and I thank you so much for coming on today. You are very special to me. I would never do a podcast without you. Never.

David Tutera:

Thank you, thank you.

Patrice Catan:

I hope you come back and give some insight to the girls on event planning and what they need to know. You're welcome anytime, just give me a call.

David Tutera:

I will say you never have to ask me twice, I'll always come back, but I do want to end on one very important thing. You have been a true mentor to me. You have given me the ability to be successful in an industry I was unsure of, which I talk about as in retail, and you presented that to me as a friend, not as someone who wanted something from me. That is a very, very rare commodity. I owe you an enormous hug and a big thank you. I love you. I missed our times when we had so many dinners in Strongsville, Ohio, and I missed the times being at your salon. More importantly, I missed the times when we were together, just the two of us talking about life, talking about family, talking about challenges, but most importantly, talking together as friends. So thank you.

Patrice Catan:

Well, I really appreciate it. You're being very kind to me. In return, you have mentored me in many different ways also. I thank you for coming on today. I treasure our friendship and after that, I am who I am. I never want anything from anybody. I'm just me and I will always be just me. Thank you.

David Tutera:

Keep going, keep going. Love you.

Patrice Catan:

Love you too.