Kat Williams of Rock n Roll Bride Magazine: Having Confidence and Making Your Day Uniquely Yours

Leah Longbrake:
Hello, and welcome to Weddings Unveiled, the podcast for your wedding planning process. I'm your host, Leah Longbrake. We know how exciting and stressful planning the big day can be, and we're here to help, providing you with information and advice from industry insiders and those with firsthand experience. Are you more the alternative type of couple looking to make the day uniquely you? Well, on today's episode, we have one of the raddest women in the world, Kat Williams. She's the woman behind Rock N Roll Bride Magazine and The Confidence Club Podcast. And she'll share her advice on how you can have the nontraditional wedding of your dreams. Kat, thank you so much for being with us today. I want to first off say Happy Anniversary because it's 13 years now for Rock N Roll Bride Magazine.

Kat Williams:
I feel incredibly old.

Leah Longbrake:
Well, you probably started it when you were 18. Right?

Kat Williams:
I was 24, so ...

Leah Longbrake:
Oh, see, you're young.

Kat Williams:
Ish, I was then.

Leah Longbrake:
What made you decide to start Rock N Roll Bride Magazine?

Kat Williams:
So I started it as a blog in 2007, and it was just ... So if you cast your mind back to 2007, this was before Instagram and Pinterest, and there was Facebook, but it wasn't really the same as what it is now. So there wasn't really anywhere online to sort of connect with people in the same way that it is today. So I was using forums. There was one that I used that was done through another wedding magazine. They had a forum on their own website, where you could connect with other brides and grooms. And I was on there sharing my wedding plans and all that stuff. And then I started seeing people talking about blogs and saying, "I'm going to start a blog." And I was like, "What's a blog?" It's this new, cool thing in 2007. And I was like, "That sounds fun," so I started my own. And it was just a free blogspot.co.uk blog that I set up. And it was just a website where I just shared ideas for our wedding.

Kat Williams:
And then when we got married, I sort of kept sharing stuff about our wedding. And then I would find other people's weddings on the forum, or Flickr, or Google, and just republished stuff. And that's kind of how it started. It just started as a fun I want to talk about my wedding, and then other people's weddings. And it kind of naturally morphed into me talking more about alternative weddings because although looking back, our wedding was not that alternative compared to the weddings we feature now. We didn't have Rock N Roll Bride to guide us, so everything was actually quite traditional when I look at it now. But the fact that I had black bridesmaid dresses was a big deal. It was very different.

Kat Williams:
So yeah, it started to sort of morph into talking about alternative weddings because that was the stuff that I was drawn to. And then I sort of stumbled across this niche that no one else was really doing. Obviously, there was no magazines about it, but there wasn't really any websites either. And it just sort of gained traction that way because it was offering something different. So that's kind of how it started, and then we launched the print magazine in 2015, so we went sort of the opposite way that most people are going these days. We started online and then went into print.

Leah Longbrake:
So when you were part of these forums and community, what did you learn the most from other brides and couples when they were planning as well?

Kat Williams:
I don't think I've ever been asked that question before. Well, I'm thinking back, I just knew nothing about weddings, or how to plan a wedding, or what you had to have in a wedding. So I guess connecting with other women mostly that were doing the same thing, it just helped solidify my ideas, and I could get instant feedback on something, whether people thought it was a good idea, or it would work, or it wouldn't work. And I really liked that I could ask a question like: Do we have to have, I don't know, matching bridesmaid dresses? And people would be like, "No. Do whatever you want." And it sort of gave me that validation. And I see that now. We have a Facebook group that people use, and I see that a lot still today. And it's really nice that people can have that connection online.

Leah Longbrake:
And it's so crazy to think just 13 years ago, it was still you had to have matching bridesmaids dresses, basically. It was the norm. And now it's kind of flip flopped. It's almost abnormal now to have matching and different things. In such a short ... 13 years is a long time, but at the same time, it's really not.

Kat Williams:
Yeah. I find it funny that, so we started Rock N Roll Bride to be for the outsiders, for the people that want to do things differently. And now I almost think we encompass more than the traditional wedding area does because it's open to everyone. And I think the amazing thing about the weddings we publish is they're so diverse, so we have gothic weddings and boho weddings and budget weddings and huge, extravagant weddings. And it's almost like if you dove into this very particular mold of what the traditional bridal industry says you should do, then come to us, and it's the opposite of what I thought it would be really, but it's cool.

Leah Longbrake:
Yeah, and I love the diversity and inclusion that you have with the magazine. You see people of all ages, ethnicities. I love the recent couple I saw, the bride was in a wheelchair, and she had this really bad ass just married painted on the back.

Kat Williams:
It's so cool.

Leah Longbrake:
I love that you focus and showcase things like that because it really helps brides and couples that aren't really seeing that as "the norm" in other traditional magazines and websites.

Kat Williams:
Yeah. I think 2020 has encouraged a lot of other bridal publications to want to be more inclusive, which is great. But yeah, it's something we've been doing for a really long time. We featured a trans model on our cover last year. We had a couple on the cover, issue 12, so I can't even do the math of where that was. We're now on 35, which was I think one of them was trans, and we never make a big deal of it. It's not just like, "Oh, we're ticking a box." It's like it's always been like that. It's always been about including everybody. And oh, someone happens to be in a wheelchair, awesome, they've done it in their own bad ass way. And that's why we're publishing it, not because it's, oh, she's in a wheelchair, we need to make sure we're being very 2020 about it.

Leah Longbrake:
Right.

Kat Williams:
That's the only way I can really say it without horribly offending everybody that's listening.

Leah Longbrake:
No, that's on point. No, it's totally on point though. You're not doing it to, like you said, check a box. You're doing it because it is what it is. This is life. And love is love.

Kat Williams:
Yeah. And I feel like even though I married a man and I'm white, I understand my privilege. But I know that 13 years ago when I was looking for wedding stuff, I felt like such an outsider, and I never wanted that for anyone reading our publication. So even though I know my privilege is a lot different to other people, it was still something really important to me to make sure that everyone that bought or magazine or saw our content felt like they could be part of it. Same with plus sized couples. I once met another wedding magazine editor. The magazine is no longer in publication. I'm sure she's not even working in weddings anymore, so she probably wouldn't hear this. But she said to me once that they would never put a fat person on the cover because it would never sell.

Leah Longbrake:
Wow.

Kat Williams:
And I was like, "Fucking hell."

Leah Longbrake:
Right?

Kat Williams:
What? I should've asked you if I could swear on this.

Leah Longbrake:
You can totally swear.

Kat Williams:
I'm a bit of a swearer.

Leah Longbrake:
I love it, yes. Go for it.

Kat Williams:
Yeah. So I was like, "Fuck that, I'm going to do the opposite. Everyone's welcome."

Leah Longbrake:
This is why I heart you. And that kind of confidence, we're going to get into in a few because I want to talk about your Confidence Club Podcast. But before we get to that, for the couples listening that are wanting a unique wedding that's more them, they want to buck what's considered "tradition," what are some things that they should consider doing and looking at to make it theirs?

Kat Williams:
I think I would say just look at how you live your life on an every day basis. What are your likes and dislikes? What gets you excited? What are you passionate about? Because weddings to some, especially this year when there's so much craziness going on, weddings can feel quite trivial and like it doesn't really matter. But actually, a wedding is a really important moment in everybody's life. It's like a pivotal moment for a lot of people. I know it was for me. When we got engaged, that was really the time that I started to not love myself more in a way that getting married fixed me, but it was a pivotal moment and it made me think about my body image and where I wanted my life to be.

Kat Williams:
It was just such a big change. Oh, I'm now getting engaged. I'm going to be married. It's a huge life decision. So I think it is a very important day for people, and not that you have to care about favors and colors of bridesmaid dresses. But yeah, it's an important part of your lifecycle. And I think bringing who you are into important moments in our life is a really nice thing to do. So I would say just look at the things that you're really passionate about, the causes you support, the things you love in your everyday life, and see how you can weave that into your day, because then it will feel like you and then it will feel authentic. And then it will be the best day ever.

Leah Longbrake:
If you met at a coffee shop, or drinks at a certain place, have that be the favor, or the card that you pick up to find what your table's going to be. My husband and I, we have our spots around Cleveland, so each table is named after one of our spots with a picture corresponding from us there.

Kat Williams:
Right. And that's something that looking back on our wedding now, I wish we'd done more of. But again, it was something I didn't see modeled to me by anybody else, by any other wedding publications, so I didn't really think about that. But it would've been lovely to incorporate more of our story and our journey into the day, I think.

Leah Longbrake:
Now there's trends in traditional weddings, but I find there to be some trends also in the unique nontraditional.

Kat Williams:
Of course.

Leah Longbrake:
Can you tell us what some of those are going into 2021?

Kat Williams:
Well, it's hard to say right now because who knows what's happening with weddings. I don't know what it's like in Cleveland, but in the UK and England, we can only have weddings with 15 people right now. So the trend is a micro wedding because that's all you could have. And we don't really know what's going to happen. They've currently said it might be like this until March. So who knows? I can say that probably next year, I would imagine weddings will stay small. I think COVID and everything that's been going on has made people think about what really matters. And a lot of people have just been like, "Fuck it, let's just get married. Let's just elope and do a party next year." And I think that's going to ... Trends in weddings tend to move quite slowly because people are planning for a long time. So people that are planning now to get married next summer will still be influenced by the weddings they're seeing happening right now. So I think the small wedding will continue into 2021.

Kat Williams:
Aesthetically, the painted leather jackets are still very popular. Short dresses are still pretty popular. Adding color to dresses is still very popular. Smoke bombs just seem to not want to go away.

Leah Longbrake:
I love smoke bombs. It looks so pretty though.

Kat Williams:
Oh, God. I did a shoot in 2012 with smoke bombs. I'd never seen it before, and now I'm just like, "If I see one more fucking smoke bomb photo." They're cool. I get it, I get it, but it's a lot.

Leah Longbrake:
But it's just overdone.

Kat Williams:
It's a lot. It's like, "Can we think of something else, people?" But it looks cool, so I understand why people love it. But yeah, those are probably the big things. Flower crowns sort of came and went. I feel like they're coming back again, so yeah, little things.

Leah Longbrake:
I've seen on your website too the Burning Man theme and influence too.

Kat Williams:
The Vegas desert, yeah.

Leah Longbrake:
Yeah, yeah.

Kat Williams:
Yeah, [inaudible 00:12:21].

Leah Longbrake:
That's pretty cool. And I'm sure Lily Allen's recent wedding too, you'll probably see some more of the Vegas short dress.

Kat Williams:
Yeah. I mean, that's not so much a trend in the UK because we have a lack of desert, but the international weddings we feature, definitely, yes.

Leah Longbrake:
What's huge in the UK right now besides the micro wedding, obviously?

Kat Williams:
I don't even know. All I can think about is small weddings. That's all we've been talking about for the last nine months. [crosstalk 00:12:49].

Leah Longbrake:
Are you seeing a lot of Zoom weddings too, people doing the online weddings?

Kat Williams:
I saw a bunch of them at the beginning of lockdown, so people that maybe were getting married this summer, or spring, summer, and they wanted to just do it then and there. They did the Zoom thing. In the UK, the laws are slightly different. You can't legally be married by someone that isn't an official person, so you can't just get married by a friend over Zoom and then be married. It doesn't work that way. You have to go to the registry office and do it in the legal way. So I haven't seen that as much being legal, but I have seen people doing it for fun, or to say that this is our day, even though it's not really our day.

Leah Longbrake:
Now if you are a 2020 bride, and you did not get to have you wedding, Kat has some pretty sweet merchandise on her website, tote bags and T-shirts, says ... What does it say? It says, "All I got was this lousy bag. I got this T-shirt." What does it say?

Kat Williams:
Can I tell you a story about this?

Leah Longbrake:
Please.

Kat Williams:
So me and my husband, I think it must've been early March, so just when everything was kicking off, me and my husband were lying in the garden, just talking about stuff. And Gareth, my husband, turned to me and said, "Wouldn't it be so funny if there was a T-shirt that said, 'I planned a 2020 wedding and all I got was this lousy shirt?'" And I was like, "Fuck. That is so funny." I was like, "Yes, we need to do that." So we have a few T-shirts on our website anyway, so I made it. And I literally went onto Photoshop, used a really simple font, made it in about five minutes, uploaded it, shared it on social media. And couples just loved it. But there was a lot of people in the wedding industry that got really pissed off at me.

Leah Longbrake:
Really?

Kat Williams:
They were really offended. They were like, "I can't believe you're making light of this. It's a really difficult time for everybody." And I was like, "Oh, my God."

Leah Longbrake:
All the more reason to make light because there's so much darkness.

Kat Williams:
Can we please just realize that comedy is still a thing? And just because people have had to cancel their wedding doesn't mean we can't laugh about it. If we don't laugh, we'll cry.

Leah Longbrake:
Right.

Kat Williams:
But yeah, and actually, that shirt and tote bag has sold way better than any of the other T-shirts we've ever done, and I made it in about three minutes.

Leah Longbrake:
That's awesome. I love it. I don't see what's so negative about it. That's so great.

Kat Williams:
Right. It's funny. It's funny.

Leah Longbrake:
The other merch you have on the website, you have such a kick ass collection of veils and headpieces. I am proud to say I am a Rock N Roll Bride. I wore the star strickle veil for my wedding and also in the photos for this podcast. What made you decide to go into the headpiece route? And it's a collaboration all of them with Crown and Glory, or just some of them?

Kat Williams:
That's correct, yeah, all of them. So Sophie and I have been friends for a really long time. Sophie's the girl behind Crown and Glory. So we met because I was doing a workshop, and she attended the workshop. And I really liked her stuff, and we kind of hit it off. And she just said to me, "Hey, do you want to do a collection together?" And I was like, "Yeah. Why not?" So we started by doing flower crowns and just headpieces because that was what was really popular. I think it was probably 2013 we did the first collection. We did a few different headpiece collections, and then we were like, "Duh, we should do veils because your audience is brides." And it was like, "Oh, yeah. That's a really obvious idea."

Kat Williams:
So we collaborated on some veils. Obviously, they are really popular, and we've done four collections now together. It's really fun because Sophie is now one of my very best friends, so it's the easiest collaboration I do. It's easy and fun. Yeah, we took a year off. We didn't do a new collection this year just because, number one, 2020's been crazy. And number two, she had a baby, so I was like, "All right."

Leah Longbrake:
I was going to say, I saw she had a child. Yeah.

Kat Williams:
Yeah. You can have a year off, Soph. Coming up with new concepts, but we'll release some new designs early next year.

Leah Longbrake:
So I have to talk about these veils though because I was dead set on I needed stars on my veil because I sign my name with a star. Stars are the big thing for me. And you were a God send because you're the only place I could find not just the veil I got, but had a few different star options. So if you're looking for stars, if you want heart trim, if you have really cute, colorful ball trim, you have probably my favorite one besides mine, is the one that says, "Hell yeah," on the back. And you can have it customized. And then you have this beautiful garden veil. And I've seen it featured in a few different places. Is that one of your bigger sellers? Because it's gorgeous.

Kat Williams:
It is. Yeah. So I think that one, we released two and a half years ago. And it was really, really popular. And it's still really popular. I have seen a lot of people rip it off since.

Leah Longbrake:
Oh, really? That's how you know you're doing a good thing.

Kat Williams:
Yeah. I mean, yeah, for us, it's still one of our best sellers, even though it's quite an old design now, so that's obviously a testament to how popular it was. Our most popular one is a dip dyed one that has stars on the bottom, the nebular veil, because you can have it dip dyed in any color you like, so people like to match it to their shoes, or their color scheme, or their bridesmaid dresses, or whatever.

Leah Longbrake:
I considered getting that one, honestly, but I had a high low dress, and I saw it was a longer veil, so I wasn't sure how. I guess you can really just play with it and pull it off, and that's the whole point. It's unique to you. Do you, and how you want it.

Kat Williams:
Yeah. We could've done a custom one in short, but you're already married now, so it's too late. But we could've done a short one.

Leah Longbrake:
We can do a vow renewal in three years.

Kat Williams:
Perfect.

Leah Longbrake:
I'm always looking for an excuse to have another wedding outfit. So aside from the veils, you also offer different clips, and like you said, the flower crowns. Are there more customizable pieces that brides listening could hit you and Sophie up and say, "Hey, this is what I'm looking for. Is it possible?"

Kat Williams:
Yeah, so pretty much anything in the collection can be customized. So most things can be dyed. If there's a product made of a certain colored glitter, we can probably source a different color for you. We do some with ostrich feathers that come in a million different colors. We obviously only list a few of them on the website. But if you've got a really specific color, we can match it normally. But Sophie is incredibly talented and incredibly creative, so we have had people come to us say, "I've got an idea that I want this, and this, and this. And maybe you could do something like this." And she can make something completely custom, depending on what your ideas are. So yeah, just hit Sophie up, she's the best. She can hook you up with whatever you need.

Leah Longbrake:
Very cool. Now again, I'm still with your store. I had gone to buy your Rock N Roll Bride book to add to my wedding book collection, and it's sold out. Is there going to be a second edition, or more copies available for us?

Kat Williams:
We actually got some more stock in this morning, so it should be back up now.

Leah Longbrake:
Yay. That's exciting. So tell us about the book.

Kat Williams:
So the book came about, I wrote it in 2018 and it came out January 2019. It's basically everything I know about planning an alternative wedding from the ground up. It's a perfect gift for someone that's just engaged because it covers everything from setting your budget, to choosing your bridal party, to dealing with family politics, and everything I know. So obviously, it's great having a blog and a magazine that I put content out all the time, but the book is more of an all encompassing idiot's guide to planning a wedding.

Leah Longbrake:
I love it. That's awesome. I can't wait to get my hands on a copy. So we mentioned earlier your podcast, The Confidence Club. What made you decide to start this? I mean, you have such an inspirational Instagram already. By the way, you have a jacket that you're wearing in a recent picture that says, "Later haters," and I want it. So what made you decide to go to this influential positivity route with the podcast and your Instagram?

Kat Williams:
So as I mentioned earlier, when I we got engaged and when I got married was when I sort of started to really grow and in my self love journey. So I had an eating disorder for most of my teens and early 20s. I had clinical depression. It was a big old shit show. And I've always been ... So since I then got married and started writing about weddings, I was in that space where I was quite vulnerable to feeling like I didn't match up, and feeling like I had to lose weight for my wedding and stuff. So it was always something that was in the back of my mind when putting out wedding content, but I wanted to make sure it made people feel good and feel like they can be themselves on their wedding day, and not have to change who they are.

Kat Williams:
So I've always sort of published content with that sort of motivational self loving slant anyway, but always from a wedding point of view. A couple of years ago, I've been doing this for a really long time now, so there's only so much I can talk about weddings. I love talking about weddings, but I'm interested in other things as well. And I split my Instagram into having my personal account, which is the one you were just saying about, and then also one that's just for weddings. So with my personal account, I wanted to talk more about my life, and yeah, my self love journey, nothing to do with wedding content. And it kind of naturally progressed into me talking about body positivity and confidence and loving yourself. So yeah, I started putting together a course, an online course that people could do about confidence because I got so many questions and so much feedback about that.

Kat Williams:
And we launched that last year, and I'm doing another one at the moment. And the podcast came about because there was a pandemic and I was bored. And I was like, "What can I do? Well, I guess I'll start a podcast." A lot of people did that this year.

Leah Longbrake:
No, the podcast is great. I'm a subscriber. And you cover everything from anxiety to sex and self pleasure. That was a great episode with Natalie. And yeah, like you said, it's more than just weddings. But I think this could help brides listening too because they're dealing with stress. They might be dealing with a loss of someone during planning.

Kat Williams:
Yeah. It's nice to incorporate the two and have both. It's funny because I would always get a lot of feedback and comments on stuff to do with body image and anxiety and stuff. But when I really looked at it, what it came down to was confidence. That was the underlying issue that I saw through everything, which is why I came up with the name, The Confidence Club, because when someone's messaging me say, "I don't feel good in jeans. Or how do I look good in photos? Or I feel really nervous to talk to my friends about this situation," it all comes down to confidence. That's the core of it all, so that's the hook that I latched onto.

Leah Longbrake:
Tell us about The Love Letters.

Kat Williams:
The Love Letters is just my newsletter, so I just branded it as Love Letters from me to make people sign up for it.

Leah Longbrake:
I love it though. It's so clever. It sounds so personalized though by saying it like that.

Kat Williams:
Oh, well, thanks. It's all in the branding there. It is a love letter through my newsletter.

Leah Longbrake:
So what else can we look forward to from you in Rock N Roll Bride Magazine coming into the 2021 new year?

Kat Williams:
So we just did a shoot that's going to come out in November at the Natural History Museum in London, which was obviously a bit of a pinch me moment because it's probably one of the most iconic buildings in the whole of the UK. So being able to shoot there was mind blowing. We had the whole place to ourselves, and it was ridiculous, so that's coming out in November. We've got at bunch of other shoots and stuff coming up for the magazine in the new year. But I don't really know. There's nothing I can really talk about yet. I have some things that are bubbling away, but I'm not ready to announce them yet, but there'll be some things happening next year, which is pretty exciting.

Leah Longbrake:
Is there anything else you think that couples should know when it comes to planning their unique, nontraditional, kick ass day?

Kat Williams:
I would say just, it sounds a bit cheesy and cliché, but be authentic to you. Choose things that make you feel happy. Don't go into debt if at all possible. And just remember that it's a really important day, and it's a lovely day, but it's not the only day. And it doesn't have to be the pinnacle of your entire existence. It's great to have a really personal, fun wedding. But at the end of the day, if you're married at the end of it, that's the most important thing.

Leah Longbrake:
Is there a secret to dealing with family politics if you have a very traditional family, and you're polar opposite?

Kat Williams:
I mean, it's difficult especially if they're financially contributing. I feel like compromise is key here, really. And I think that's a tale as old as time. I think a lot of people need to realize that your parents have probably been dreaming about this day since the moment you were born, so the fact that they might want to have input on how it plays out isn't beyond the realms of possibility. I think it's okay to compromise on some things just to keep your parents happy, but at the same time, don't be a complete pushover. It's a balancing act, of course, but it's just communication and giving and taking, and trying to keep everyone happy. You can never keep everybody happy.

Leah Longbrake:
No.

Kat Williams:
But hopefully, if you can incorporate a few things to keep your mom happy, that's always a nice thing to do I think.

Leah Longbrake:
Kat, how can we get more info on you and Rock N Roll Bride Magazine?

Kat Williams:
You can find me everywhere by searching Rock N Roll Bride. I'm just Rock N Roll, as in Rock N roll. On Instagram, on Tik Tok, and Twitter, even though I don't really use it, and Facebook. And then just rocknrollbride.com is the website. Oh, and The Confidence Club is just The Confidence Club on Spotify or iTunes.

Leah Longbrake:
And definitely subscribe to the podcast and magazine.

Kat Williams:
Oh, yes. Please do.

Leah Longbrake:
Thanks, Kat, for being with us today. It's been an honor to have you on here.

Kat Williams:
Oh, thank you so much for having me.

Leah Longbrake:
Thanks for listening to Weddings Unveiled. Make sure you subscribe to the show on your favorite podcast app, so you never miss an episode. And if you have a second, please rate and review. We'd love to hear from you. This has been a production of Evergreen Podcasts. A special thank you to executive producers David Moss and Gerardo Orlando, production director, Brigid Coyne, and audio engineers Sean Rule-Hoffman and Declan Rohrs. Don't forget to enjoy the journey.