In this news update, Football season is upon us and we’ve got the inside info on which team has the best tailgating fans! Say “howdy” to your text-door neighbor and big news for plaid clothing! Rodge mourns the victims of both the El Paso and Dayton shootings with a poem by Mary Elizabeth Frye.
HEADLINE: Football season is upon us! Plaid makes it in the record books, and twitter makes people text their “number-neighbors.”
EPISODE DESCRIPTION: In this news update, Football season is upon us and we’ve got the inside info on which team has the best tailgating fans! Say “howdy” to your text-door neighbor and big news for plaid clothing! Rodge mourns the victims of both the El Paso and Dayton shootings with a poem by Mary Elizabeth Frye.
Here is a snappy summary of the news – a weekly digest of the latest events and happenings at home and abroad. I’m your host, Rodge Bigsby and this is your Retrotone News Minute!
Greetings Mr. & Mrs. America and all the dogs in the pound and on the grill... First Down!
1) IN POLITICS
The nation is in mourning (Rodge halts) Nope… nope, not talking guns. Not going there. Just… can’t. (Producer: Rodge it’s the top story). I don’t care if it’s Marilyn Monroe back from the d.. (Producer: Rodge). Nope… next article.
*Record going, awkward music break*
2) IN SPORTS
Great fans of the gridiron are quivering with anticipation for the kickoff of the NFL 2019 Season. It’s preseason across the continent. You know what that means? Break out the skin rods, popup tents, portable grills, team colors, beer bongs, and belly up to the parking lot cornhole tourney – it’s tailgate time. No matter where you live, you probably think your pack of pigskin lovers have a Titan’s tradition. Suit up! There’s a definitive list from the Sportster.com we’ve just got to field.
5. First Energy Stadium - Formerly Browns Stadium. I gotta know… Who let the dog’s out. The home of the dawg pound is no mutt. Listen… the Muni lot is a thing.
4. Century Link Field - Ah.. the Link. The 12th man will go anywhere to prepare themselves for a good old Seahawks game. The crowd brings ALL the personilaty since Russell Wilson has zero.
3. Heinz Field - Mmm… that’s a tasty tradition. Dust off your terrible towels, and Ketchup on what’s grilling in Steel Country.
2. Mercedes-Benz Superdome - Number 2 is no voodoo. The Brees is Blowing in NOLA. Jam-ba-laya in the parking lot? At the home of the Saints, as many as 8,000 fans can tailgate at Champions Square. Guar-un-teeeed.
And number one… 1. Lambeau Field - home to the only municipally owned franchise, by the
good people of Green Bay. TItletown is home to a host of tailgate houses, you can rent out and tailgate with catered food. The works. Just genius! These Cheeseheads sure know how to party.
AD 1 LINE: AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS
(insert vintage football or actual football brand advertisement - DD to source)
WELCOME BACK FOLKS.
3) IN TWITTER NEWS
SAY HELLO TO YOUR TEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOR!
The internet is at it again! The kids on twitter have created a new trend and Rodge doesn’t know what to think. People are now saying “howdy” by texting one phone number higher or lower than theirs - aka their “number neighbor.” For some, these shenanigans really backfired. Here’s a few of the worst responses that people shared on twitter:
1. Lauren: “hey! So we’re number neighbors…”
Number Neighbor: “F**#*%&)* god I hate twitter!”
Rodge: “Well then…”
2. Bobby: “Hey number neighbor!”
Number Neighbor: “Suck my c&$% I’ll murder your family”
Rodge: “That escalated quickly”
3. Reid: “Hey Number Neighbor”
Number Neighbor: “Huh?”
Reid: “It’s a trend on twitter. You text one number up or down from yours to say hi to your number neighbor.”
Number Neighbor: “Stupid teens always up to something. How about get a job and stop texting me. Stupid motherf$%^#@s our future is f^#*&($ with yalls stupid bulls&$^! F&$^ off (Translation: Stupid motherfuckers our future is fucked with yalls stupid bullshit. Fuck off)
3) IN THE WORLD OF FASHION
CANADIAN CITY SETS GUINNESS BOOK RECORD FOR MOST PLAID
That’s right, folks! 1357 people gathered in Kenora, Canada for “Plaid-urday,” a Saturday event where everybody wore their favorite plaid patterns. From kilts to pajama pants, this festival had it all – including a Guinness World Record judge who declared them winners for the most people wearing plaid in one place. Rodge loves me some plaid. #PlaidForever #PlaidPlanet #Plaidurdays
4) Here’s a Poem of the Week to Commemorate the Fallen in this Week’s El Paso and Dayton Shootings...
Rodge is devastated by the most recent shootings that resulted in the deaths of at least 31 people this past weekend. What’s even more upsetting is the way these people are being used as an argument to further political agendas on Facebook and the national stage. Today, we take pause. We shut out that noise and chaos to send our condolences to the families of those we lost. Please listen in to this poem by Mary Elizabeth Frye and remember our fellow Americans.