Bonus Episode #2 – Lift Up a Friend with Melissa McCaverty

Annmarie Kelly:

I have been racking my brain to try to remember when precisely I met today's guest, and I keep coming up blank.

I know we met in California when both of us were young moms. I know we've karaoked on multiple occasions, and we've drunk coffee and been to the same parties, and we've walked and talked, and laughed, and cried, and watched multiple softball games together. But that's all I've got.

The fact is that there are some people who, when you meet them, they just become family. That's how I feel about Melissa McCaverty. Though we currently live more than 2000 miles apart, I wouldn't be surprised at all if I ran into her at the next neighborhood barbecue. She's always felt local to me.

Melissa McCaverty was born in Allentown, Pennsylvania, but she's currently a lawyer in Los Angeles. She's an avid sports fan, especially college ball, and she lives in El Segundo, California with her husband and their three terrific kiddos.

Melissa McCaverty, welcome to Wild Precious Life. Tell us who you are, lovely lady.

Melissa McCaverty:

My name is Melissa McCaverty. I live in El Segundo, California. I am a mother of three amazing children, a 14-year-old daughter and twin 12-year-old boys. I've been married for 18 years and my husband's born and raised in El Segundo. He's a townie.

Annmarie Kelly:

He's a townie. That makes it sound like just like the division between like the college kids and the townie kids. And he's like a Jet and you're like a Shark.

Melissa McCaverty:

Even though he's like super highly educated.

Annmarie Kelly:

Well, I had you come in today to talk about this book, The Emotionally Exhausted Woman. Not to talk about the book per se, but to talk about like my response to the book, which is realizing that I actually have more control over my happiness and like not feeling emotionally depleted than I realize.

And one of the things I'm terrible at is as you know, keeping up with people I esteem. Like when I roll into town, like you're the first person I call, right? But then it'll go six years and I'm never … so one of the things I'm trying to do is be in better touch with the people who are wonderful and important to me. And so, thanks for being here.

Melissa McCaverty:

Aww, that's a great goal. I love it.

Annmarie Kelly:

Yeah. So, at the very first page of Nancy Colier's book, she asks this question and I wanted to start with it. She asks: who takes care of you?

Melissa McCaverty:

Wow. Well, my whole life, it had always been my mom, and she died fairly young in 2005 from cancer. And I had just gotten married. I was a newlywed when that happened.

And when I thought of who takes care of me, it really is my husband. I think I'm really blessed that way. I have a really well-meaning man on my hands over here who is very worried about me and definitely, helps keep this family running and takes care — he does, he takes care of me. My husband takes care of me.

Annmarie Kelly:

Yeah, he's good people. Shout out to the hubs. And when we're thinking about like who cares for us, I also feel like there's the connection between like, are you getting what you need and are you getting what you want? And I think as women and as moms, it can be really easy to lose track of like our direction because we stop.

Like I was working and then I stopped to have babies, and I went back to work, then I stopped to have a baby. Many of us have danced in and out of what we were going to be when we grew up. And so sometimes, that shifts and changes, and we can also lose sight of it.

So, I guess, I'll step back from just a job. But what do you really want when you think about it?

Melissa McCaverty:

I mean, that is the age-old question. You know, what do you want? What makes you happy? Because I think as women and moms, no one stops to ask us that ever. No one.

The strong amount of like women, especially in the community I live in, they help take care of me too and lift me up. My one girlfriend and I, we say in life, there are lifters and pullers. And my goal is to surround myself with lifters and to be a lifter to others.

To make me happy, I just feel like I want to have like a sense of peace around me, which is really hard with twin 12-year-old boys, and a 14-year-old girl. It's a lot of chaos. I'm on a quest for peace anywhere else I can find it.

Annmarie Kelly:

Isn't that true? Like just finding inner peace. I feel like sometimes, we joke like you close the door to the bathroom and you can't even get peace there because they're knocking on the door. It's like they know that you're in there.

Melissa McCaverty:

Your kids knock? Because we had to take our locks off because they don't work right because we did a remodel. So, I am barged in on still to this day constantly.

Annmarie Kelly:

Oh yes, yes. And you live not too far from the ocean, so I feel like you're like peace adjacent. It's just right over there. But I remember what it was like to live near the ocean and how many days would tumble by and I would never see it.

Melissa McCaverty:

My suggestion is going to be to walk on the strand. That's one of my happiest places without a doubt, and always has been from the time I moved here.

Annmarie Kelly:

Definitely. Hey what did you dream of being? I mean, you're a brilliant mom and someone who's been in and out of careers, but like when you think about the statement, like, “I always dreamed of being a …” what comes to mind?

Melissa McCaverty:

Yeah, it was a lawyer. It most definitely was. Once I became a lawyer, the dream shifted because being a lawyer isn't quite what I thought it would be. And I regret or I … if I could have done things differently, and I was there (this is what kills me).

I was a communications double major with political science. And in communications, you have to choose your specific area, and I chose public relations, and broadcasting was right there for me. And if I could do it again, I'd want to be like a sports broadcaster.

Annmarie Kelly:

You'd be so good at that. I mean, you'd be good at lots of things, but I could totally see them being like, “And we're going to Melissa now on the 50-yard line” and you would just be like, “Coach, I noticed there in the second half that like …” I just can see you in the sports games.

I can also see you in the booth being like, “Hey, we're going to Doug out on the 50-yard line.”

Melissa McCaverty:

And I subscribe to the it's never too late and you're never too old.

Annmarie Kelly:

Yeah, it turns out there's a new rule that we're allowed to have more than one dream. I don't know if you heard that. I just learned it. We're allowed. So, you're allowed to dream of sitting in that booth and writing a book.

Melissa McCaverty:

You got my mind blown. My mind is blown right now. Who knew you could have more than one dream?

Annmarie Kelly:

I read it. It's true. Okay, I want to pivot a little bit to you. So, what do you, Melissa, love about you?

Melissa McCaverty:

Yeah, that feels a little braggy.

Annmarie Kelly:

Isn’t it funny, we don't do that. Like nothing. But like I could list a million things I love about you. But what do you love about you?

Melissa McCaverty:

I think I love my ability to set my uncomfortableness aside because deep down, I think I'm an extroverted introvert. And when I get in a public space, I'll turn it on. I can make other people feel comfortable, I feel like, by humor and self-deprecation if that is what I'm feeling.

Self-deprecation is probably not the right word. It's probably more of like just being real. I'm always the first person if somebody compliments me, I'm like, “I got it at Target.” Because I feel like especially in La La Land where everything is so glitzy and whatever, it's really important to keep things real.

And I'm a pretty vulnerable person with my friends and I do, I think I'm just real, I'm just who I am, and people either love it or they don't. And that's really none of my concern because I'm just who I am. So, I think I have a nice ability to do that. And I like that about myself.

Annmarie Kelly:

I like that about you too.

[Music Playing]

What is something quirky that folks don't always know about you? Like a like or a love or even a pet peeve? Like what do they not know about Melissa?

Melissa McCaverty:

Oh, I'm sort of like an open book. So, when you know me, like I don't really hold back on anything. I mean, a fun fact is like the classic Corvette I have that I inherited from my dad.

Annmarie Kelly:

Yeah, tell us about your car. I know about it, but not everybody listening will … tell us about your car.

Melissa McCaverty:

So, I have a 1959 Corvette. It's a fuel-injected automatic that was one of only 10 made in the year 1959. My dad and mom bought the car from the original owner before they were engaged, and my mom ponied up most of the money for the car.

Annmarie Kelly:

Wow.

Melissa McCaverty:

So, this car has only ever had two families own it. I can surprise somebody by cruising around, revving up my Corvette and feeling kind of badass when I do it, actually.

Annmarie Kelly:

I have seen you in that car and so I can attest to that. So, then what's one of your go-to songs if you're driving in the Corvette or if you're just lounging at your house? What's your go-to music?

Melissa McCaverty:

Oh, that is so hard. One thing I realize is I'm not listening to music enough. I'm always like with the podcast and books. And so, I think you are going to know the answer to this, but it's pretty much anything by Bon Jovi.

Annmarie Kelly:

Woo-hoo! Jon Bon-

Melissa McCaverty:

Will get me home. And he has this one song that wasn't popular or anything, but it's like called like Just Older. And I remember I was 23 when I fell in love with that song, studying for the bar exam in my Volkswagen Cabriolet. And he talks about he likes the skin he's living in, and he's like, “I'm not old, just older.”

So, like, anything by Bon Jovi can pump me up. I love Pink. She gets me going. There's a song by J. Lo, Let's Get Loud. That has become my daughter's softball team's anthem.

Annmarie Kelly:

Nice.

Melissa McCaverty:

Because of me, and I call it “Genenergy.”

Annmarie Kelly:

Jon Bon Jovi is actually my karaoke song. Have we karaoked together? We did.

Melissa McCaverty:

We have karaoked together many times. Many times, more than one, we have karaoked.

Annmarie Kelly:

We have the karaoke, the teeny room karaoke. That was … oh my gosh.

Melissa McCaverty:

When you called me, it was like 3 PM on a Sunday and you're like, “Hey, in four hours … my friend is in town, and she loves karaoke. Do you want to come?” And I was like, “Well, if she must, I must.”

Annmarie Kelly:

It was not a Friday night at a bar though. It was a … we had our own little … it was a teeny tiny room, like a table. Oh my gosh. I'd forgotten about this. Yeah, so my friend was pregnant.

Melissa McCaverty:

Yeah, private karaoke.

Annmarie Kelly:

And we just sang to each other.

Melissa McCaverty:

And it was so fun. We sang to each other. And you sang a song Le Mis. It was not Bon Jovi.

Annmarie Kelly:

Who karaoke’s Les Mis? Oh my gosh.

Melissa McCaverty:

Yeah. You must have changed your go-to karaoke song since then. Because it was Les Mis back then.

Annmarie Kelly:

In a bar with people surrounding me, I sing Living on a Prayer because they'll do the work. The whole bar will sing. I find it hilarious.

Melissa McCaverty:

That's an anthem for the ages.

Annmarie Kelly:

Oh my gosh. Yes.

Melissa McCaverty:

That’s Jon Bon Jovi. He's deeper than people realize, I'm telling you, there's a reason I love him so much. He really has a romantic heart and soul. And oh, Jon Bon Jovi's Soul Kitchen, he just gives back. He's a pretty good dude, I think.

Annmarie Kelly:

I agree. Oh my gosh. I could talk Jon Bon all the time.

Alright. What's one of your favorites … let's do books. You could do a couple if you want, but like what's your favorite books? I know you're a reader and an audio book listener. I

Melissa McCaverty:

I usually am reading a book and audio booking at the same time.

Annmarie Kelly:

Two different books or the same books?

Melissa McCaverty:

Two different books. Two different books.

Annmarie Kelly:

You’re so smart.

Melissa McCaverty:

I just like to read. It's totally my escape. When I think of a what makes a good book, it's generally one that like sticks with me. Because sometimes, I read a book and I'll be like, “What was that about?”

And so, one of my all-time favorites that really stuck with me was The Red Tent. I feel like that's just solid. Two books you recommended actually are books that have stuck with me for longer than I read them. One being the Underground Railroad. And the other being A Man Called Ove, which-

Annmarie Kelly:

Yeah, Fredrik Backman.

Melissa McCaverty:

Didn't come out at me, but the man reminded me of my dad a little bit. And I just, oh, I love a book … this poor man had no friends, no life. He was trying to end his life and in a farcical way, he ended up … the people around him changed his life. It's just so beautiful. And any World War II with the word “light” in it. The light, you know-

Annmarie Kelly:

Light We Cannot See, Tony Doerr.

Melissa McCaverty:

Yeah, All the Light We Cannot See, The Tattooist of Auschwitz. Those books are … The Nightingale, I mean all that genre, I wrap my brain around how that ever happened.

Annmarie Kelly:

The Red Tent, I want to say that was like Anita Diamant or something like that. But that was one of the first books that ever made me think about the power of women and motherhood, and the fact that like babies have been coming into the world for a very long time. Babies have been coming into the world before we had doctors to bring them in.

And who cared for these women and these mothers was other women and other mothers who had been there before.

Melissa McCaverty:

Yeah. I think of The Red Tent because like we have a mutual friend that recently had a baby and none of our age people are having babies. So, it's so crazy how you texted me yesterday and then I almost texted you to say I'm watching the baby today while she goes to the class party at school.

And I told her, I said, I know like especially at her age, having a baby, like you hand that baby off to me whenever you can. It's just such a beautiful idea. Sometimes when my husband drove me crazy early in the days, I'm like, “I just wish we lived in the red tent. Like I just want to go be with all the moms.”

But I never made the connection that I did have the red tent. We really did. We have a version of it, a modern-day version in these moms around here because there are some really great humans lurking around.

Annmarie Kelly:

Definitely. Alright, I have two more questions for you. What's your favorite ice cream or favorite dessert if you're not an ice cream person?

Melissa McCaverty:

Mint chocolate chip. A hundred percent, no question.

Annmarie Kelly:

Yeah, same-same. And last one, if we were to take a picture of you really happy and doing something that you love, what would we see?

Melissa McCaverty:

Ooh, I would definitely be down at the beach, maybe in the water, probably floating on my back just breathing.

Annmarie Kelly:

I love picturing you like that.

Melissa McCaverty:

I love being in a warmer beach than Southern California. Not going to lie there.

Annmarie Kelly:

I was so surprised that the water was cold. I guess, I hadn't gotten the memo on that because in all the movies I watched of Southern California, people always seemed to be in the water. And then, I remembered the Karate Kid, they were in sweaters at night. It does get cold at night.

Melissa McCaverty:

And the water is quite cold. In the summer, it gets beautiful though. Like the mid-seventies is just perfect for ocean water, because it's a bit of a workout swimming through those waves, which is why my perfect is floating.

Annmarie Kelly:

And then I always get afraid that the wave's going to come and like topple me. So, floating where, you know, in Hawaii, where the waves aren't like in a bay or something.

Melissa McCaverty:

Yeah. Perfect.

Annmarie Kelly:

Oh, my beautiful human, it is so nice to hear your voice and see your face. I know that our listeners can't see it, but I can. And so, I'm just like sending you love and light across the miles.

And I'm grateful for this book that reminded me that how not to feel quite so emotionally exhausted is to connect and see the people I love. I love you, man.

Melissa McCaverty:

I love you, Annemarie. Oh my gosh, I miss you so much.

Annmarie Kelly:

It's good to see your face.

Melissa McCaverty:

You too.

[Music Playing]

Voiceover:

Wild Precious Life is a production of Evergreen Podcasts. Special thanks to executive producers, Gerardo Orlando and Michael DeAloia. Producer is Sarah Willgrube, and audio engineer, Ian Douglas. Be sure to subscribe and follow us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

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