This Week in News: 1/17/19
Toxic! Toxic! Rodge Regurges a Smelly Week in News
Toxic Politics. Toxic Waste. Toxic Masculinity. McDonald’s. This week Rodge delves into the dirty, talking Brexit, Big Macs, and Lima’s septic struggles. But it’s not all nasty... turns out there’s a new kind of lunar life! Rodge wraps up the report with a special op-ed, showcasing his sentimental side while dishing the latest on the #MeToo movement.
Episode 3: January 16, 2019
TITLE: This Week in News: 1/17/19
BYLINE: Toxic! Toxic! Rodge Regurges a Smelly Week in News
EPISODE DESCRIPTION: Toxic Politics. Toxic Waste. Toxic Masculinity. McDonald’s. This week Rodge delves into the dirty, talking Brexit, Big Macs, and Lima’s septic struggles. But it’s not all nasty... turns out there’s a new kind of lunar life! Rodge raps up the report with a special op-ed, showcasing his sentimental side while dishing the latest on the #MeToo movement.
Here is a snappy summary of the news – a weekly digest of the latest events and happenings at home and abroad. I’m your host, Rodge Bigsby and this is your Retrotone News Minute!
Good Evening Mr. & Mrs. America and all fresh fish and chips. Let’s get to the vinegar!
1) LET’S BEGIN WITH INTERNATIONAL POLITICS...
THE BIG NEWS ACROSS THE POND IS ALL ABOUT THERESA MAY’S BAD DAY
So bad… the Sun News depicted the “biggest government defeat in history” as “dead as a dodo” with UK Prime Minister Theresa May’s head atop a “brextinct” bird. In a historically crushing 432 to 202 defeat, May’s Brexit deal to break ties with the European Union is an epic bust. Other headlines suggest “fighter for her life” and “brexit in chaos” with UK Tories and parliament in turmoil, this bombshell leaves the world to wonder, why not a people’s vote? Poor bird.
2) AND FROM THE EU TO PEE-UUU!
Strap on your facemasks…
A COURAGEOUS CLEANUP IS COMMENCING IN PERU’S CAPITAL OF LIMA
Sewage has flooded the San Juan de Lurigancho district with several feet of wastewater. (insert the sound of Rodge gagging / perhaps booth voice: “you, you good Rodge?” “Yes. Yes. I’m fine.”) The health alert that’s affected 1,000’s of people was allegedly the result of the damming of the Canto Grande collector.
And just like the flow of toxic politics sweeping the globe, this mess could take years to cleanup. Yyyyuck!
3) NOW, TO OUTER SPACE (cue the whacky theremin music)
MOVE OVER SPUTNIK, CHINA’S GREEN THUMB JUST ROSE TO ZERO GRAVITY
China’s really digging up some lunar milestones. On the heels of the world’s first lunar landing on the dark side of the moon, in a move that would make Lancelot "Capability" Brown proud, Forbes magazine reports China made history once again – by growing plants on Old-Man Moon for the first time. Great green beans!
On Tuesday January 15th, the China National Space Administration revealed cotton seeds (amid fruit flies and flower seeds) had sprouted on the surface of the moon. Ain’t that something? Listen, there’s no limit to what we can do in the outer limits. Why soon we’ll be sewing knickers in our moon boots! Congratulations Space Commies! (Producer: No. Rodge. You can’t say that!)
AD 1 LINE: AND BACK HERE ON EARTH, A FRIENDLY WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS…
Sponsor: (Moon Pie? Verners? Root Beer? Gillette?)
WELCOME BACK FOLKS.
4) NEWS FOR YOU CARRYOUT CONNOISSEURS…
McDONALD’s GOES AFTER SMALL FRY…
This week, McDonald's was stripped of its exclusive right to the "Big Mac" trademark in Europe in what is being dubbed a “Golden Flop.” The conflict dates back to 2017 when McDonald's begged EU officials to prevent Supermac – a smaller fast food joint – from opening outside of Ireland. (Allegedly the food chain’s name sounded too similar to “Big Mac” for McDonald’s tastes.)
After the EU sided with Supermac in 2018, the feisty Irish underdogs didn’t give up the ship. Supermac challenged McDonald’s “Big Mac” trademark. Yes, in this David vs. Goliath story, the little fry triumphed over the Golden Arches, as ALL European fast food joints can now reap the rewards in McNaming their grub.
5) IN OP ED… Or, is it, Op Rodge?
We take a minute to spin it on this business of Toxic Masculinity. It used to be a good shave was just that, and perhaps, a cigar… just a cigar. Today, with the #metoo movement in full swing, groups like Gillette are learning to embrace their softer side of Sears. And Sears is just looking to survive.
What’s the problem with the razor king’s recent ad condemning bullies, corporate slugs, and trash talking thugs? Why not get real, and get on with the full range of emotions? Rodge says break from the booze, anger and violence – even Rodge loves a good cry from time to time. Not to make a molehill of these mountains. But I for agree, #timesup.
6) SIGN OFF STATEMENT:
AND THAT'S ONE FOR THE REPUBLIC! I'M YOUR HOST RODGE BIGSBY, AND THIS HAS BEEN NEWS FROM RETRONTONE – A SERVICE OF EVERGREEN PODCASTS.
Rodge wants you! Twitter me @RodgeBigsby, and remember… Retrotone News is now available on all the podcast platforms.
UNTIL NEXT TIME … MAKE A GOOD DAY!