Tired of the malarkey coming from the mainstream media?

Well that stuff's history! Modeled after Movietone newsreels of the 1930s, our beloved Rodge Bigsby cuts the baloney and gives it to you straight.

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This Week in News: 1/3/19

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Debut Episode: New Year's Roundup
Great Scott! Should old acquaintance be forgot? Why... of course not! It’s here in Episode 1, Rodge Bigsby ushers in the New Year with some familiar faces. From the Republic or Trump's government shutdown, to Chipotle’s big splash for a modern menu–Rodge takes us on a tour of big news, and adventures on the high sea. Catch stories of French Adventurer, Jean-Jacques Savin, and Bigsby's break down of recent Twitter scuttlebutt on all things Kardashian and West. Then take pause to reflect on resolutions and whatnot. “Yoo-haa! #RodgeBigsby!”

RetroTone News

Episode 1: January 2, 2019

Here is a snappy summary of the news – a weekly digest of the latest events and happenings at home and abroad. I’m your host, Rodge Bigsby and this is your RetroTone News Minute!

Good Evening Mr. & Mrs. America and all the high heels on the runway. Welcome to the New Year. Let’s work it girls!



1) THIS WEEK IN POLITICS…

IN YET ANOTHER GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN, THE PINCH IS PACKING A PUNCH

Nine federal departments haven’t received a dime in federal funding for over a week. Politico reports, they’ve limped along on leftover money, coasted through the quiet days of the holidays and paid staff with checks already prepped before the lapse. And things are about to get worse. Many of the departments and agencies are running on fumes. Carryover cash. In a stand-off between left and right, red and blue, Congress and the President, it seems no one wants to budge. It’s either, “build a wall” or bust! The inks still fresh on the quill of this cliffhanger. (Not to make light of, you know, the 700,000 without pay. Sorry folks.)

2) AND HERE’S WHAT’S ON THE SPOON...
KINGS OF CUISINE COOK UP NEW CHOW… AND FAST!

Chipotle is cooking up a comeback, according to CNN. Beginning in 2019, the healthy choice fast food titan will begin offering lifestyle Bowls” in a new collection of meals that fit into paleo, ketogenic and Whole30 diets. Not savvy to what any of that means? Neither is Rodge, but hey... let’s get down with the gravy train and give a go!

AD 1 LINE: AND NOW, A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS…

3) WELCOME BACK. CLIMB INTO THE JIMMY FOR THE “AWAY WE GO ADVENTURE STORY” (ALT: Sponsored by “WHO COULD BE SO CRAZY COCONUT OIL” -- OIL SO GOOD YOU’LL FEEL SPOILED!)


FRENCH ADVENTURER, 71, EMBARKS ON TRANSATLANTIC TRIP TO CARIBBEAN IN HUGE ORANGE BARREL

Great Scott! Jean-Jacques Savin, at the ripe old age of 71, proving crazy has no age, has embarked on an epic journey across the Atlantic on a barrel-shaped capsule heading towards the Caribbean. Setting course for El Hierro in Spain's Canary Islands, this modern day Nemo is hoping to finish the trip in the orange vessel, in about three months. Expecting to travel 2,800 miles in a 10 foot long x 7 foot wide resin-coated plywood craft, this former pilot and national park ranger, aims to help oceanographers study currents in the great Atlantic Ocean.

Word has it… Savin’s barrel has been heavily reinforced to resist waves and potential orca whale attacks. (pause) Godspeed Sailer!



4) IN HOLLYWOOD…

KIM AND KANYE EXPECTING BABY NUMBER FOUR… VIA SURROGATE?

This week’s Twitter scuttlebutt is all about the West Family. Rumor has it they’re expecting baby #4 via surrogacy. After pregnancy complications with their first 2 (North and Saint), the couple turned to a surrogate mother for the birth of their third child (Chicago). With children named after cardinal directions, religious figures, and US cities...people are already beginning to speculate what baby number four will be dubbed. Don’t you think Hockey Stick has a nice ring to it?

As 2018 comes to a close, maybe they’ll pick one of the year’s most popular names?
Girls top 3: Olivia, Emma, Ava,
Boys top 3: Oliver, Harry, Jack,

What will be then top names of 2019? Perhaps, by the end of this flash digest, you’ll be naming your baby Rodge. Or, Rodgette. Rodgelina. Or even, Bigsbina. Yes, those would be just... delightful.

5) HAPPY NEW YEAR FOLKS!

This year, all of us here at the Evergreen Podcast syndicate ask you take pause, to rigorously reflect on how you can gussy up this grand Republic in 2019. For my own New Year’s Resolution, I’m going to try my best, to shout less and listen more! Now fans… we want to hear from you. Send postcards of your resolutions to Retrontone News at 1406 Westwood Ave. Lakewood, OH 44107 Suite 100. (And… if you feel so inclined, a Snapchat, or Tweet will do nicely.)

(Next episode: special news from our very own broad from abroad, Caroline McFlawed.)



SIGN OFF STATEMENT:

AND THAT'S ONE FOR THE REPUBLIC! I'M YOUR HOST RODGE BIGSBY WITH NEWS FROM RETRONTONE. UNTIL NEXT TIME … MAKE A GOOD DAY!

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